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Its-always-sunny-in-philadelphia

Dee: Are those--those stupid cards where babies are doing disgusting things?
Charlie: Uhhh... no. They're the amazing cards where babies are doing hysterical things!

Dennis: I think you might be dyslexic.
Charlie: Read the script once.
Dennis: Okay, you want me to read the script?
Charlie: Yes.
Dennis: All right.
Charlie: And... action
Dennis: I'll read the words you wrote. "Hello, fellow American. This you should vote me. I leave power good. Thank you. Thank you. If you vote me, I'm hot..." What? "Taxes, they'll be lower... son. The democratic vote for me is right thing to do, Philadelphia, so do."

Mac: [walking up to them] I've been looking for you guys everywhere...Look. I've been thinkin'...and I feel like I could be a real asset to you guys. I wanna help.
Charlie: What? Wait, wait, so first you wash your hands in politics and now you want back in? That's called flip-flopping, Mac! That's what Democrats do.
Dennis: Hang on a second Charlie, let's give the guy a chance to prove himself.
Mac: Yeah, yeah. Give me a chance...what should I do?
Charlie: "What should I do"? Strike one, buddy.
Dennis: You gotta bring something to the table, Mac.
Mac: All right...ah...check this out. [Goes up to woman pushing her baby in a stroller] Excuse me, hi. I couldn't help but notice your adorable baby.
Woman: Oh, thank you.
Mac: Yeah, I was wondering, [stopping the stroller from moving] if you wouldn't mind if that handsome young gentleman over there kissed it.
Woman: Excuse me?
Mac: Yeah...oh. I'm sorry. He's running for District 37 Comptroller, so it's cool.
Woman: You know, I'd rather not.
Mac: [stopping the stroller again] Yeah, well you know...it's...good for him and it's good for you, so I think you should maybe just give me the baby.
Woman: You know what? Please leave me alone.
Mac: OK, lady. Just give me the baby and I could get it over with as quickly as possible.
Woman: I said no!
Mac: Goddammit, just give me the baby! [tries to unbuckle the baby out of the stroller]
Woman: Somebody help me!
Charlie: This is campaign suicide, dude...
Dennis: Let's get out of here.

Lady: Are you going to take care of the crime problem here?
Dennis: Absolutely, I say we put them on buses and ship them over to Iraq.. make them fight the terrorists.
Lady: You're very handsome.
Dennis: Thank you ha ha.
Charlie: This is going very, very well man.
Dennis: I know people are really responding to me.
Charlie: They love the bone structure.

Frank: There is nothing more threatening to a man than a woman who is smart and attractive. We have to pretend you're both!
Dee: Wow, you're a horrible father.

So... if you like the Virgin Mary, and you like beer, come on down to Paddy's Pub! We got 'em both.

Dennis

Frank: It could be a miracle, it could be bulls**t. There's one thing we know for sure.
Charlie: What's that?
Frank: It's a god damn goldmine.

You risk your feet, you get some shoes!

Charlie

Matthew: Mr. Reynolds, I'd like to ask for your daughter's hand in marriage.
Frank: Done.

No, no, see you guys are taking this thing way too far, and you know what I'm going to do? Wash my hands of it. I'm washing my hands of the whole situation Lord. (Walking away from the gang) He will smite you all. God will smite you all

Mac

Mac: You can be my right hand man. You can be my Peter.
Charlie: Oh... okay I'll be your Peter.
Mac: Dress a little nicer though, 'cause you look like shit.

Dee: For once I'm going to do the right thing.
Frank: He thinks you're too old, huh?
Dee: God-d*****, why do I speak to you, ever.

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 80 in total

It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia Season 2 Quotes

Charlie [in a wheelchair and army vet attire]: This costume, the chicks is gonna go crazy all over it.
Frank: Maybe you should let me do all the talking.
Charlie: No, it's like shooting fish in a barrel. So watch and learn.
Stripper: Awww, look at you sweetie, what happened?
Charlie: Viet-goddamn-nam, that's what happened! Go get me a beer, bitch!

Dennis: Dee, you scared the shit out of me. What are you doing?
Sweet Dee: Same thing you're doing. I'm not letting dad give all this shit to poor people.
Dennis: Alright, hey I got here first though. I'm taking the plasma TV and I'm taking the fish tank.
Sweet Dee: How come you get to pick and choose?
Dennis: It's not that I get to pick and choose, it's that I'm a man and I'm strong. I can carry heavy things. You're a woman, you're weak and... you can't.
Sweet Dee: You're a woman and you're weak.
Dennis: That doesn't make any sense.
Sweet Dee: You don't make any sense

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