I'm not drinking for the rest of my life, until tonight.

Pauly D

So I'm now coming up with a new plan, whenever a girl leaves the house, I'm gonna hug her and pat her down at the same exact time.

Pauly D

I feel like the girl probably took Pauly's chain so the next day she could come back again and try and smash ... I would do that.

Snooki

This is what I get for going into the nasty a$$ smush room, I'll never go into the smush room again.

Pauly D

I see my diamond chain glistening in the sun looking all perfect and I'm like thank god.

Pauly D

I'm thinking like, the girl you brought home last night stole your chain, obvi. She probably stuffed it in her a$$ crack.

Snooki

[to dispatcher] I don't have an hour ... she's going to die.

Pauly D

I don't know if this girl wants to hang around, but I definitely don't want her to hang around.

Pauly D

Smush was good but, it's time for Shantel to leave and I gotta call her a cab.

Pauly D

Shantel, I'm gonna lay you on the bed and ... do you.

Pauly D

I'm leaving with no girl, I was getting pissed and I was like wow, this might happen right now. It was almost like Joe Montana, 20 seconds left in the fourth quarter, I throw the pass ... Paula catches it.

Mike

Shantel is like the definition of DTF, she's so DTF right now it's like not even funny.

Pauly D

Jersey Shore Quotes

Whiskey sex is the best. It's when a guy can't have sex for like five hours because he's so drunk. Or his penis is so drunk.

Snooki

I am all natural. I have real boobs. I have a nice fat ass. Look at this sh*t, I mean, come on, I'm hot.

Angie