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I'm gonna get so much pussy.

Jim

I'm a good guy. This is gonna work out great for me. Billy's gonna be the best wingman ever. Girls are gonna be like, "oh you brought your friend in the wheelchair, did you?" and I go, "oh, he's more than a friend. He's my best friend." Oh, we're gonna get special treatment wherever we go. Parking's gonna be amazing. The toilets are gonna be great. We'll be at a ballgame and people will just get out of the way, "Here they come, the cripple and his friend, the good guy!"

Jim

Jim: Is that a look of pleasure.
Steve: No, that is not a look of pleasure.
Billy: I have 13 strangers staring at me, and I don't possess the ability to put away my own cock. How would you feel?

Wendy: I'm more worried about cleanliness.
Steve: I washed it this morning.
Wendy: You did?
Billy: He did.
Steve: Yeah, I even got behind the ball sack.
Jim: Look at this guy! What a good brother.

Morning shift. Only two girls working.

Jim

I just don't want him to be rejected by hookers, it's nothing personal. With all due respect, it's just the type of people that you are.

Jim

Jim: Hookers and blow my friend. Well, hookers, no blow for you, well maybe, how's your heart?
Billy: Jim, it would kill me.
Jim: No blow. Just hookers for you then.

Alien. I'm an alien of extraordinary abilities, Steve. I'm like ET.

Jim

Jim: I think I'd like to have kids.
Steve: You think you'd be a good father?
Jim: I think I'd be a great father.
Steve: What about a husband?
Jim: Yeah, there's a problem.

Displaying all 9 quotes

Legit Season 1 Episode 1 Quotes

Alien. I'm an alien of extraordinary abilities, Steve. I'm like ET.

Jim

Jim: I think I'd like to have kids.
Steve: You think you'd be a good father?
Jim: I think I'd be a great father.
Steve: What about a husband?
Jim: Yeah, there's a problem.