Louie

Louie Quotes (Page 3)

Season 3 Episode 5: "Daddy's Girflriend (Part 2)"

Louie: Young, gorgeous women must have the hardest time. A lot of people think they have advantages. Like 'oh you're a pretty girl, it's easy, people buy you drinks' oh wow, boy, what is that - a $16 savings every week? Free drinks! It must be so much pressure to be like a really cute young girl. First of all, you're smaller than most people, you're an adult, and you're walking around and there are just MASSIVE men like 3 times your size and every single *GRUNTS LOUDLY LIKE A CAVEMAN* - that's a lot to take on. Someone else's cum fantasy. Like he just looks at you and you just feel buckets of cum hit you in the face.
 • Rating: Unrated

Louie: I went on a date and I get nervous when I date. I get very nervous. I went on this date and we went out to dinner and all these things then I took her home and she went inside, and then I farted for the rest of my life.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 3 Episode 4: "Daddy's Girflriend (Part 1)"

Louie: Okay, I'm gonna come out and I'm gonna tell ya, I'm asking you out. That's what I'm doing, but please don't answer yet. Because I know you have a 'no' cued up in your head already. But please will you let me say a few things. I know that being a woman in New York must be hard because it's disappointing maybe because you try to be nice to men as human beings and they respond by torpedoing towards your vagina. I want you to know that I'm aware that you're young and beautiful and I'm not either of those things. And part of me knows that as soon as my lips stop moving that you'll say no. But please think of the fact that it's low risk what I'm asking. Ya just come out with me for a drink and even if you got up and left in the middle of the one drink, I wouldn't hold it against you. So, just make a judgment based on that nothing horrible would happen. If you came out with me, I think you're so attractive. I'm attracted to you because you're nice and you're a decent person and other reasons that you want people to be attracted to. Also, you're horribly cute. I mean, you're cute as hell. I grow on people. On women. Some time goes by you get past the bald head and I sweat a lot and I'm lumpy. I've run out of things to say. Can you tell me now?
 • Rating: Unrated

Clerk [re: a book for Louie's daughter which he says she hasn't read yet]: Okay, give her this and tell her not to read it at night because it's too scary. The idea is that she will read it at night. It will be like a really wrongful thrill for her.
 • Rating: Unrated

Maria: Jesus, now I'm all d**ked up in the head. Thought it was simple with you.
 • Rating: Unrated

Louie: Like I want to f**k Scarlett Johansson. I don't know her. I never met her or saw her in person. But I just know. Come on. I just know that would be the greatest thing to ever happen to me. And the worst thing to ever happen to her. I don't even jerk off to her - that's how much I like her.
 • Rating: Unrated

Louie:"You have to examine yourself once in a while, you can't just say, 'I voted for Obama, I can't be prejudice, it's impossible.'
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 3 Episode 3: "Miami"

Ramon: It's kind of like the people who live up there. Some of them have been living there their whole lives and have never seen where they live. Then you look up there and see them on their balconies and they're alone and you kind of feel sorry for them because they're alone you know.
 • Rating: Unrated

Louie [after a hot blonde asks for a strawberry and eats it without waiting for a reply]: You just ate a strawberry that you can't have.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Louie [translating Ramon's Spanish]: Say what you don't know and learn everything.
 • Rating: Unrated

Louie [Upon seeing yet another hot woman strut by on the beach]: This is bulls**t.
 • Rating: Unrated

Louie: I know it's not popular to say, but I hate balloons.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Season 3 Episode 2: "Telling Jokes/Set up"

Lori: Your sperms are dying inside my mouth right now. Goddamit! Where are the gentlemen? What is wrong with our country?
 • Rating: Unrated

Lori: You know how many d**ks I sucked that I didn't want to suck? Because I'm a good kid. Because I do what's right. I never left anyone hanging how dare you?
 • Rating: Unrated

Lori: Intimate? Me sucking your d**k isn't intimate?
 • Rating: Unrated

Alan: That's young nervous penis. When you're 24 and single, your penis is like the young, nervous guy in the World War II movie in the foxhole. Any sound your penis hears, it's like, 'WHAT WAS THAT?!? LET'S GO! LET'S GO LET'S GO! I'm married in my 50s. My penis is relaxed. My penis is sitting in the chair, smoking a pipe, reading the paper. My penis is like Bing Crosby. It hears a noise it's like 'I think I heard a noise, could be a hand, could be a vagina, bub bub bub.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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