Carl: You know how when I go to get a milkshake and you say no?
Mike: Yeah.
Carl: And if I came back without one for you, you'd get all grumpy and mad.
Mike: Well, we've been together a long time and I don't think I should have to ask.
Carl: That's why I always get two milkshakes. Otherwise, I'd have to get a second straw and share with you, and that's a race I cannot win.

Molly: You're not hanging your nudie pics in the house.
Joyce: Of course not. [To Vince] We can still get the t-shirts and coffee mugs, though.

Don't go too expensive. Just a place where the fork and spoon are two different things.

Molly [to Mike]

Victoria: Hey Mol, hey Mike.
Molly: That's not Mike.
Victoria: Oh, I'm sorry. I just saw a chubby hand holding a remote.

It's Valentine's Day. The city is filled with jilted jumpers. You're lucky you got your own ledge!

Carl [to Jumper]

Mike & Molly Season 2 Episode 15 Quotes

Victoria: Hey Mol, hey Mike.
Molly: That's not Mike.
Victoria: Oh, I'm sorry. I just saw a chubby hand holding a remote.

It's Valentine's Day. The city is filled with jilted jumpers. You're lucky you got your own ledge!

Carl [to Jumper]