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Mike-and-molly

Peggy: Just make sure he knows that you two are good Catholics and that you're not living together in sin.
Molly: But I'm not and we are!

Peggy: Either call him by his Christian name, Jim, or his full name, James Douglas McAthur Biggs.
Molly: Jim it is.

Do you really want to raise a child in a house with your mom and sister? His first birthday will be at the Betty Ford Clinic!

Joyce: Remember when I took you kids to the circus, and we saw that big bear on a unicycle?
Molly: Yeah...what does that have to do with anything?
Joyce: Beats me. It just popped into my head.

Mike: I'm the kind of guy that likes to think things through.
Carl: Since when? I once saw you eat a marshmallow that was still on fire.

When you go on vacation it's kind of a vacation for all of us.

Molly: You're doing a great job of sticking to your diet, sweetie.
Mike: Well, since you're set on me wearing white tux at the wedding, I'd rather look like refrigerator than a milk truck.

You don't need to sweat the vows. I've heard you wax poetic for 20 minutes about a chunk of lasagna.

Carl

Roses are red, violets are blue, I'm getting married in three months, and I've got squat. I don't remember writing any of this.

Did I dream this, or last night were you drunk in the backyard throwing a knife at a tree?

Victoria [to Molly]

Carl: If I die before you and you have to write my eulogy, compare me to chicken piccata.
Mike: Done.

Mike: I got overexcited. It was my birthday.
Peggy: Barf-day is more like it.

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 60 in total

Mike & Molly Quotes

Molly: We've got the house all to ourselves. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Mike: Order pizza and make prank phone calls?
Molly: Yeah, baby!

I always go to Lethal Weapon. I'm Danny Glover and you're Mel Gibson with a thyroid problem.

Carl [to Mike]
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