Mondays 9:00 PM on CBS
Mike-and-molly

Carl: Now if you want to get into your bride's head a little bit, just change "boobs" to "holy matrimony".
Mike: Wow, I had no idea it consumed their every though and dictated their every action.

Thought you had me didn't you, you fun sized little b**ch!

Molly [to candy bar]

Molly: Did Mike call?
Victoria: No, but my pot dealer did. He said you can have your wedding in his basement grow room.
Molly: Oh good. Well, at least the lighting will be good!

Mike: Maybe if you had talked a little less and listened a little more we wouldn't be in this mess!
Molly: Really?
Mike: Listen, I don't want a big fight.
Molly: Well, it's too late for that.

Molly: The senior center said we can get married there. Good news: they have a dance floor. Bad news: lots of people have died on it.

We have weddings for our parishioners, which you are not, and we were willing to make an exception frankly because we're still quite scared of your mother.

Priest

Peggy: Just make sure he knows that you two are good Catholics and that you're not living together in sin.
Molly: But I'm not and we are!

Peggy: Either call him by his Christian name, Jim, or his full name, James Douglas McAthur Biggs.
Molly: Jim it is.

Do you really want to raise a child in a house with your mom and sister? His first birthday will be at the Betty Ford Clinic!

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