Mike & Molly Quotes
Watch you wolf down a waffle with strawberry compote while your mother describes what a blood bath your birth was? No thank you.
Carl
Amira was very impressed with your car. The valet at the restaurant, not so much.
Samuel
Victoria: Kind of like when you get pulled over by the cops and you're high on weed. You gotta act straight, but not too straight.
Molly: You know, I never thought I'd say this, but you are absolutely right.
Look at me. My car is lost, I'm riding this stinky bus, I'm an hour late to my party, but because I know Molly is there waiting for me it's the best birthday of my life.
Carl: You know how when I go to get a milkshake and you say no?
Mike: Yeah.
Carl: And if I came back without one for you, you'd get all grumpy and mad.
Mike: Well, we've been together a long time and I don't think I should have to ask.
Carl: That's why I always get two milkshakes. Otherwise, I'd have to get a second straw and share with you, and that's a race I cannot win.
Molly: You're not hanging your nudie pics in the house.
Joyce: Of course not. [To Vince] We can still get the t-shirts and coffee mugs, though.
Don't go too expensive. Just a place where the fork and spoon are two different things.
Molly [to Mike]
Victoria: Hey Mol, hey Mike.
Molly: That's not Mike.
Victoria: Oh, I'm sorry. I just saw a chubby hand holding a remote.
It's Valentine's Day. The city is filled with jilted jumpers. You're lucky you got your own ledge!
Carl [to Jumper]
I'm still not going to risk my life flying halfway around the world just to see free boobs.
Story of my life. I give a woman my heart and she says no thanks, balls please.
Vince
Molly: I'm friends with all of my exes.
Vince: Yeah, but they were all swishes. How did you put it, Mike? The front row of a Cher concert?
Mike: I never used the word "swish". I said "pansy".
