Monkeys will fly out of my ass before I go to a church mixer.


Calista: If you two are meant to be together, you'll end up together. The best way to get over a man, is to get under another one.
Joss: You should stitch that on a pillow, that's really good.

Joss: Oh, God! Oh my God, what are you doing?
Calista: Choosing a window to jump from!

Karen: Have you ever been in something like this before?
Joss: Threesomes? Honey, I invented them.

Why does everything have to be so hard?


I'm sorry, am I being too loud for you? I can fix that.

Joss [to Harry]

I hope it was worth it.

Scott [to Joss]

Marc: You really like him, huh?
April: Yeah, I guess I do.

Vivian: You're afraid that you're attracted to my husband, aren't you?
Karen: What?
Vivian: You're pushing us together, so you don't pull us apart.
Karen: Oh, God. Something's wrong with me.

Joss: Nothing, Harry. I just, you know, I didn't, I didn't do this for this.
Harry: You didn't do what for what?
Joss: Lose my sister to casually date you.

Vivian: How much do you love this weed?
Karen: It's a miracle.

It isn't just that Alec doesn't find me desirable anymore, I don't find me desirable anymore.

Vivian [to Karen]

Mistresses Quotes

Customer: Is this the sexy sheet section?
April: This is the satin section. What's sexy to one person is a slippery elbow in the face to someone else.

Savi: Where's your wedding ring?
Harry: It's in my pocket.
Savi: Put it on.