Luke: You had a girlfriend before mom?
Phil: I had two!

Listen to me. I think you went to the jewelry store inside here (points to Jay's heart) and brought back a gem.

Manny

I think I could be a little less Ryan Gosling, and a little more everyman.

Cam

Calm down, you know I grew up around many animals. One time a rooster attacked me and my mom rung its neck and we had it for dinner.

Cameron

If my daughter can stand up then so can I.

Mitchell

Claire: Check this out, a reflecting pond.
Alex: Great maybe you can see how crazy you’re being right now.

You can’t do this. We’re a danger to ourselves. We’re a family of fire starters, poison eaters, and online prostitutes.

Phil

Mitchell: Tonight is the maginificent Lyrid meteor shower.
Cameron: It's where the planet geek passes through the nerdy way.

I decided to get in better shape quick. Didn't want to end up like my old man. Although he did die doing what he loved - refusing service to hippies who came into his store.

Jay

Manny's the worst roommate ever. Everything he finds, he folds.

Luke

Luke: I dunno, mom always tells me what to do.
Phil: Join the club.

Cameron: I was nervous. There was a lot of different food on the menu, and on the floor and on the wall.
Mitchell: Are we sure we're not exaggerating just a little bit?
Cameron: Were you there, Mitchell? Because I think I would have recognized the only other white or gay person.

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Claire: My mom started drinking these cocktails called "horny Colombians" with some of Gloria's uncles, whom apparently the drink was named after
Phil: Oh come, they were funny
Claire: They kept grabbing my butt
Phil: Somebody is full of herself. It's a Colombian wedding tradition.. they said