Hey Cam, I heard a rumor that you keep flashing our guests.


All I wanted was to bribe my way into that school by making cubbies that stuff didn't fall out of.


This was a huge mistake. I am jammed in the backseat with a hairy Peruvian biter. It's spring break '92 all over again!


We agreed to tell Lily the about her mother together wearing calming earth tones and we agreed to tell her the truth!


If it were easy, everyone would be hot.


Wait so you're telling me this call isn't coming from inside the house?


Jay: I thought your phone was stolen.
Gloria: This is Joe's phone.
Jay: This is why the terrorists hate us.

The only thing stronger than Manny's fear is his need to protect his mama.


Jay: You're wearing a $10K watch and you haggling over 15 cents?
Guy: You live in this place and you can't let that 15 cents go?
Jay: Fine 35.
Guy: Can you break a 50?
Jay: Get out.

Usually when everything's normal, people don't respond in perfectly rehearsed unison.


Do we have to put the toilet on the counter? I take my afternoon coffee here.


He's grown up drinking from a breast bigger than his head. I don't think he scares easy.

Jay [about Joe]

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


He's like Batman, but straight.

Mitchell [on the gardener]