Jay I miss you. Besides I don't know that I can keep Phil safe anymore, I think he's going to die here.

Gloria

Mitchell: I'm so nervous. Are we gonna say Hugh Jackman in a bathing suit? What do we say to Hugh Jackman in a bathing suit?
Cam: Oh my God, it's so big.
Mitchell: That's a bit direct but you know he might be flattered- oh you're talking about the boat.

Are you saying what I think you're saying? I'm Crocodile Dunphy?!

Phil

Claire: I'm sorry but you know how i am about heights.
Gloria: Is that why you never wear high heels?

Mitchell: What's happening?
Cam: I don't know Google him.
Mitchell: I didn't spring for an international data plan.

Gloria: I don't eat anything unless I know what's in it.
Jay: I've once seen this woman scarf down a pig's nose.

Calm down Claire, your voice is getting to that pitch that disturbs out cat.

Cam

Mitchell: Why don't we put Lily in one of Alex's shirts for the picture tonight?
Cam: She'll see right through that.
Mitchell: No you're thinking of Haley's shirts.

I'm not spending any more time under fluorescent lighting than I have to.

Haley

That's a library? I thought it was a church for a religion that didn't allow makeup.

Haley

Phil: You know how you can treasure special moments in your past that in no way diminish special moments in your present?
Claire: Yes sweetheart it's called having a memory.

This whole persnickety thing is not gonna fly in the world. Never hand people another reason to make fun of you.

Jay