Claire: We're gonna pass into legend. The parents who canceled Christmas.
Phil: I thought you'd be happy.
Claire: They'll write songs about us. They'll make a Christmas special with those ugly little clay pieces.

Gloria: He thinks he might be allergic to Stella.
Jay: What? The only reaction this dog gives people is the giggles.

Claire: Well hello! How is your first day back in the closet...business?
Mitchell: That makes no sense, I've never worked here before.
Claire: It's just a gay joke Mitchell. Don't over-think it.

Cameron: Do you really live in your car?
Santa Scott: It's not so bad. It's really roomy since the wife moved out.

Mitchell: Wow remember when you dropped me off at summer camp? You barely slowed down the car.
Jay: You never had a condition that made it difficult to breathe.
Mitchell: I was a closeted gay kid at sports camp. I spent the week in mid-faint.

It is really nice to be liked for who you really are pretending to be.

Mitchell

Looks like someone has an issue with anger franagment!

Mitchell

Every time I go over to grandpa's, Manny just stares at me the whole time.

Haley

Phil loves Spandau Ballet. That song "True" was playing in the car the first time we kissed. It's our song.

Claire

Mitchell: She's always had a dark sense of humor
Cameron: Do you remember when she went as Sigfried and part of Roy for Halloween?
Mitchell: Too soon

I'm fairly confident that Dad's proudest moment was when you finally took off the flame-red unitard

Claire [to Mitchell]

Mitchell: You always take this a little too far. Your nephew's first birthday.
Cameron: That's not fair.
Mitchell: You brought a wind machine.
Cameron: Who puts wheels on cribs?

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

It's a body spray called Sex Grenade. One of the divorced dad's in the hotel recommended it.

Luke