Gloria: Children need to know that you believe in them; it's the most important thing. If you tell them they have wings, they will believe they can fly.
Jay: Oh really? I had a buddy that went to Woodstock, believed he could fly, didn't end great. That's why hotels' windows don't open anymore

Jay: I don't like watching football with people that don't care about the game, they talk
Manny: You talk during my football games
Jay: For one thing it's called soccer and your team scored two goals all season, I'm not risking much

Jay: You know I raised two fully functional children.
Gloria: You have two kids that I don't know about?

Alex: Focus people, what does Uncle Mitchell like?
Haley: I don't know, gay things, right? What's a gay think you can think of?
Luke: Ha. He's married to it.

Gloria: He thinks he might be allergic to Stella.
Jay: What? The only reaction this dog gives people is the giggles.

Claire: Well hello! How is your first day back in the
Mitchell: That makes no sense, I've never worked here before.
Claire: It's just a gay joke Mitchell. Don't over-think it.

Nobody's gonna see my bod in this bulky bull costume


Hey Cam, I heard a rumor that you keep flashing our guests.


Mitchell: Wow remember when you dropped me off at summer camp? You barely slowed down the car.
Jay: You never had a condition that made it difficult to breathe.
Mitchell: I was a closeted gay kid at sports camp. I spent the week in mid-faint.

It is really nice to be liked for who you really are pretending to be.


We agreed to tell Lily the about her mother together wearing calming earth tones and we agreed to tell her the truth!


Looks like someone has an issue with anger franagment!


Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


That's the funny thing about marriage, you fall in love with this extraordinary person and over time they begin to seem ordinary. I think it's all the nagging.