Mitchell: You always take this a little too far. Your nephew's first birthday.
Cameron: That's not fair.
Mitchell: You brought a wind machine.
Cameron: Who puts wheels on cribs?

Jay: When I first heard Manny wanted to fence I was like sure, uncoordinated kid, lethal weapon, how could this go wrong?
Gloria: What do you think now?
Jay: I'm proud of our little Zorro

Gloria: Children need to know that you believe in them; it's the most important thing. If you tell them they have wings, they will believe they can fly.
Jay: Oh really? I had a buddy that went to Woodstock, believed he could fly, didn't end great. That's why hotels' windows don't open anymore

Jay: I don't like watching football with people that don't care about the game, they talk
Manny: You talk during my football games
Jay: For one thing it's called soccer and your team scored two goals all season, I'm not risking much

Gloria: He thinks he might be allergic to Stella.
Jay: What? The only reaction this dog gives people is the giggles.

Claire: Well hello! How is your first day back in the closet...business?
Mitchell: That makes no sense, I've never worked here before.
Claire: It's just a gay joke Mitchell. Don't over-think it.

Mitchell: Wow remember when you dropped me off at summer camp? You barely slowed down the car.
Jay: You never had a condition that made it difficult to breathe.
Mitchell: I was a closeted gay kid at sports camp. I spent the week in mid-faint.

It is really nice to be liked for who you really are pretending to be.

Mitchell

Nobody's gonna see my bod in this bulky bull costume

Cam

Hey Cam, I heard a rumor that you keep flashing our guests.

Mitchell

Looks like someone has an issue with anger franagment!

Mitchell

Oh c'mon please, my dad is Ms. Dunphy, I'm just Claire!

Claire

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Can I sit around an empty house and wait for someone? Baby I'm a realtor. I have a license for that.

Phil