My other daddy says your yard looks like a litter box.


Jay: Why do you look like that when I look like this?
Manny: My friends say it’s because of your money.

I think I’m recording the game but you can never know. The last time I got 6 hours of Bravo.


Haley: You’re super green!
Mitchell: I know! I’m recycling a dollhouse, I recycled a child.

Jay: Hi hunnie.
Gloria: I got in trouble.
Jay: Whatever she did, add it to my tab.

Wow so intense. I had no idea the kind of pressure you were under. Hunnie, I was just you for two hours, I could barely hold it together. I don’t know how you don’t have a meltdown everyday.


Manny: You have to face it Jay, one day I’m gonna be moving out of this house.
Jay: Can I get that in writing? Cause I just can’t shake this image of a 30 year old you, eating my food and cuddling with my wife.
Gloria: Boys should never stop cuddling their mothers.
Jay: I’m gonna have nightmares!

Is this what you’re gonna do with your life? Sleep late and take a selfie?

Claire [Haley]

Phil: He seems like a real go-getter huh?
Haley: Why cause he goes and gets things?

Look, I have no problem drinking. I can literally do it standing on my head. But A ,not with my parents. Plus also I needed to stay sharp because they were obviously up to something and I was in no mood. I barely got 10 hours of sleep last night.


We didn’t say Grace, we said on your marks, get set go.


Jay: I’m waiting for a phone call from my doctor’s office. Please rate your prostate exam. Would you say you were satisfied?
Gloria: I hope you weren’t!

Modern Family Quotes

Manny: Does this feel like a short visit to you, or a long one?
Jay: The pregnant one brought a stroller.

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.