Modern Family
Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABCFavorite Modern Family Quotes
Dad, are you still looking for a place to leave that butt? It's so gross.
Claire
I'm not putting her down, you goblin. She needs the surgery.
Jay
Honey, you can't get Pepper pregnant and trap him in a house.
Claire
She doesn't sound like that.
Jay
No problem. Do you want to look in another neighborhood or stay right here in HELL!
Phil
Claire: Oh, how cute. You tried to scare me for Halloween
Phil: How in the world did that not frighten you? Some of this is my actual blood! I knicked myself putting it on.
Claire: Sweetie, you don't know the first thing about scaring people. It's all about plausibility. And you were awfully casual for a guy that just got an ax in the chest. You know, if you really wanted to scare me, you should have waited until I opened the closet and found you hanging by a necktie.
Phil: Excuse me! I killed myself?!
Claire: Yeah, totally plausible. I mean, you've been so happy all these years, the other shoe is bound to drop, right?
Cam: Mitchell? Judge... Judy!
Mitchell: Your talent. It's like you were touched by a Gayngel.
Hey, I came to see a movie I'd already seen and know where all the jump scares are. Can you tell me where the big ones are in this one?
Phil
Manny: Perhaps this candy bar represents your lost innocence?
Jay: It represents delicious chocolate. Now, you're sure you gave it to a Spider-Man?
Don't be silly, Janet. If I were interested in more youthful things, would I be here with you?
Luke
Gloria: Manny! How many times have I told you not to call me mom when you're dressed like an old man!
Manny: Including now? Once.
Oh my God! Can you adopt a second child to take some of this off me?
Lily
