Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

Gloria: Some people you turn your back for one second and they have another family from the bad side of town.
Jay: You ARE my other family from the bad side of town.

I have a mandate and not the kind you hide from your wife.

Gil

Her head sounds like pop rocks.

Cam

Haley: Oh my God I'm missing a text.
Alex: It just got real didn't it?

A happy kid is like an anti-depressant. But a natural one, not the kind your husband has to find in your jewelry drawer.

Phil

What happened to him? He didn't used to be that self-conscious before high school. He used to go around in his poncho, play the band flute. I miss my old Manny.

Gloria

I've been lonely. Having a mirror in my room will be like having company.

Haley

Now there are pushy obnoxious moms, who try and get involved, nudge them towards one another...we mean well.

Claire

You know what I say, I might be coach but I like to travel first class!

Cam
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