We'll be on her like white on rice... which might sound racist because we're white and she, presumably, like rice.

Cam

Don't be disrespectful Luke, anybody could do it with Gloria.

Phil

You know, when you get a massage, you sound like a Tijuana prostitute.

Jay

Take it down a notch. We're just trying to make a friend not initiate a three-way.

Mitchell

I got scared because the cabinet didn't fall down.

Luke

If this so-called Santa Claus doesn't bring me a burgundy dinner jacket, I'm going to have a big problem.

Manny

Cameron: I remember once at a New Year's Eve party, stroke of midnight, he high-fived me. Two problems with that: One, gays don't high five. Two, gays don't high five.

You can insult a lot of things about me - my hair, my voice, my balance-board exercises - but don't insult my selling. That crosses a line. What line? Oh, you don't see it? That's because I just sold it!

Phil

Okay just because my uncle is clearly gay, doesn't mean he'd ever want your tacky pink tree. And frankly, we'd rather throw some lights on our coat rack than have to deal with knuckledraggers like you, today of all days...December 16th.

Alex

If an accident does happen, I hope he kills me, because I don't think I would be a very inspiring disabled person.

Cameron

I brought you some soda, but I couldn't find any straws, so you'll have to drink it like cats.

Luke

Leave it to the gays to raise the only underachieving Asian in America.

Mitchell