You know, when you get a massage, you sound like a Tijuana prostitute.

Jay

I'm just a boy trying to bring style back to travel.

Manny

We'll be on her like white on rice... which might sound racist because we're white and she, presumably, like rice.

Cam

Cameron: I remember once at a New Year's Eve party, stroke of midnight, he high-fived me. Two problems with that: One, gays don't high five. Two, gays don't high five.

If this so-called Santa Claus doesn't bring me a burgundy dinner jacket, I'm going to have a big problem.

Manny

I got scared because the cabinet didn't fall down.

Luke

Take it down a notch. We're just trying to make a friend not initiate a three-way.

Mitchell

If an accident does happen, I hope he kills me, because I don't think I would be a very inspiring disabled person.

Cameron

She's being facetious...sarcastic...Dylan no stay!

Alex [to Haley]

This whole thing is a colossal fog cue.

Jay

You're going to find somebody because you're an amazing girl Katie, you're the whole package, I just prefer someone who has one.

Cameron

You know what I might just go crazy tonight and hook up all over him.

Alex