I'm just a boy trying to bring style back to travel.

Manny

You know, when you get a massage, you sound like a Tijuana prostitute.

Jay

Don't be disrespectful Luke, anybody could do it with Gloria.

Phil

If this so-called Santa Claus doesn't bring me a burgundy dinner jacket, I'm going to have a big problem.

Manny

Take it down a notch. We're just trying to make a friend not initiate a three-way.

Mitchell

I got scared because the cabinet didn't fall down.

Luke

Cameron: I remember once at a New Year's Eve party, stroke of midnight, he high-fived me. Two problems with that: One, gays don't high five. Two, gays don't high five.

If an accident does happen, I hope he kills me, because I don't think I would be a very inspiring disabled person.

Cameron

I brought you some soda, but I couldn't find any straws, so you'll have to drink it like cats.

Luke

This whole thing is a colossal fog cue.

Jay

My gaydar is never wrong and it is pinging like we're at a bathhouse.

Mitchell

There's no reason you should stay upright, but it just works.

Jay [to Gloria]

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Claire: My mom started drinking these cocktails called "horny Colombians" with some of Gloria's uncles, whom apparently the drink was named after
Phil: Oh come, they were funny
Claire: They kept grabbing my butt
Phil: Somebody is full of herself. It's a Colombian wedding tradition.. they said