I'm just a boy trying to bring style back to travel.

Manny

You know, when you get a massage, you sound like a Tijuana prostitute.

Jay

We'll be on her like white on rice... which might sound racist because we're white and she, presumably, like rice.

Cam

Cameron: I remember once at a New Year's Eve party, stroke of midnight, he high-fived me. Two problems with that: One, gays don't high five. Two, gays don't high five.

Take it down a notch. We're just trying to make a friend not initiate a three-way.

Mitchell

If this so-called Santa Claus doesn't bring me a burgundy dinner jacket, I'm going to have a big problem.

Manny

I got scared because the cabinet didn't fall down.

Luke

Leave it to the gays to raise the only underachieving Asian in America.

Mitchell

You're going to find somebody because you're an amazing girl Katie, you're the whole package, I just prefer someone who has one.

Cameron

Gloria: I'm pregnant.
Claire: You're gonna get so fat!

Are you doing sex?

Luke

You can insult a lot of things about me - my hair, my voice, my balance-board exercises - but don't insult my selling. That crosses a line. What line? Oh, you don't see it? That's because I just sold it!

Phil

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

It's a body spray called Sex Grenade. One of the divorced dad's in the hotel recommended it.

Luke