You're all the porn I need.


I'm just a boy trying to bring style back to travel.


You know, when you get a massage, you sound like a Tijuana prostitute.


Cameron: I remember once at a New Year's Eve party, stroke of midnight, he high-fived me. Two problems with that: One, gays don't high five. Two, gays don't high five.

I got scared because the cabinet didn't fall down.


Take it down a notch. We're just trying to make a friend not initiate a three-way.


If this so-called Santa Claus doesn't bring me a burgundy dinner jacket, I'm going to have a big problem.


If an accident does happen, I hope he kills me, because I don't think I would be a very inspiring disabled person.


This whole thing is a colossal fog cue.


Sweetheart I would love to be wrong, but I don't live with the right people for that.


My gaydar is never wrong and it is pinging like we're at a bathhouse.


There's no reason you should stay upright, but it just works.

Jay [to Gloria]

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me