Okay just because my uncle is clearly gay, doesn't mean he'd ever want your tacky pink tree. And frankly, we'd rather throw some lights on our coat rack than have to deal with knuckledraggers like you, today of all days...December 16th.


Sweetheart I would love to be wrong, but I don't live with the right people for that.


You're going to find somebody because you're an amazing girl Katie, you're the whole package, I just prefer someone who has one.


Leave it to the gays to raise the only underachieving Asian in America.


This whole thing is a colossal fog cue.


There's no reason you should stay upright, but it just works.

Jay [to Gloria]

Are you doing sex?


If an accident does happen, I hope he kills me, because I don't think I would be a very inspiring disabled person.


Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me

Manny, you were afraid to light the barbecue, but now your eyebrows have grown back and your salmon is legendary!


Gloria: I'm pregnant.
Claire: You're gonna get so fat!

Claire: What's that in your hand?
Luke: Jagermeister. Dad said it would make girls wanna kiss you.

Modern Family Quotes

Manny: Does this feel like a short visit to you, or a long one?
Jay: The pregnant one brought a stroller.

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.