There's no reason you should stay upright, but it just works.

Jay [to Gloria]

Leave it to the gays to raise the only underachieving Asian in America.


You're going to find somebody because you're an amazing girl Katie, you're the whole package, I just prefer someone who has one.


Perhaps I'll be Reginald Appleby. An English gentleman in town for a polo match.


Okay just because my uncle is clearly gay, doesn't mean he'd ever want your tacky pink tree. And frankly, we'd rather throw some lights on our coat rack than have to deal with knuckledraggers like you, today of all days...December 16th.


Are you doing sex?


My gaydar is never wrong and it is pinging like we're at a bathhouse.


You know what I might just go crazy tonight and hook up all over him.


Well, my white-man name is Tucker. I am 1/16 Cherokee. Ready for child to soar like eagle.


Claire: What's that in your hand?
Luke: Jagermeister. Dad said it would make girls wanna kiss you.

Hey, the world needs more dreamers Luke. Never stop licking things.


She's being facetious...sarcastic...Dylan no stay!

Alex [to Haley]

Modern Family Quotes

You can kiss my wife, you can take her to bed, but only I can make her laugh.


I never liked Spandau Ballet. Our entire marriage, I never once mentioned Spandau Ballet. Am I even pronouncing that right?