Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

If an accident does happen, I hope he kills me, because I don't think I would be a very inspiring disabled person.

Cameron

There's no reason you should stay upright, but it just works.

Jay [to Gloria]

Okay just because my uncle is clearly gay, doesn't mean he'd ever want your tacky pink tree. And frankly, we'd rather throw some lights on our coat rack than have to deal with knuckledraggers like you, today of all days...December 16th.

Alex

My gaydar is never wrong and it is pinging like we're at a bathhouse.

Mitchell

You're going to find somebody because you're an amazing girl Katie, you're the whole package, I just prefer someone who has one.

Cameron

Are you doing sex?

Luke

Perhaps I'll be Reginald Appleby. An English gentleman in town for a polo match.

Phil

Leave it to the gays to raise the only underachieving Asian in America.

Mitchell

Phil: My wife is always so tired and she's always making lists of things for me to do.
Claire: Maybe if you did them she wouldn't be so tired.
Phil: Oh no, she could make lists for days.

Hey, the world needs more dreamers Luke. Never stop licking things.

Phil

She's being facetious...sarcastic...Dylan no stay!

Alex [to Haley]

Manny, you were afraid to light the barbecue, but now your eyebrows have grown back and your salmon is legendary!

Gloria
Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 1213 in total

Modern Family Quotes

I'm sort of like Costco. I'm big, I'm not fancy and I dare you to not like me.

Cameron

You can't have two fun parents... You know that kid Liam who wears pajama pants to school and pays for things with a hundred-dollar bill? Two fun parents.

Claire
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