There's no reason you should stay upright, but it just works.

Jay [to Gloria]

I brought you some soda, but I couldn't find any straws, so you'll have to drink it like cats.


Sweetheart I would love to be wrong, but I don't live with the right people for that.


If an accident does happen, I hope he kills me, because I don't think I would be a very inspiring disabled person.


You're going to find somebody because you're an amazing girl Katie, you're the whole package, I just prefer someone who has one.


Gloria: I'm pregnant.
Claire: You're gonna get so fat!

You can insult a lot of things about me - my hair, my voice, my balance-board exercises - but don't insult my selling. That crosses a line. What line? Oh, you don't see it? That's because I just sold it!


Leave it to the gays to raise the only underachieving Asian in America.


You know what I might just go crazy tonight and hook up all over him.


She's being facetious...sarcastic...Dylan no stay!

Alex [to Haley]

You win an Oscar. You buy a Golden Globe.


Manny, you were afraid to light the barbecue, but now your eyebrows have grown back and your salmon is legendary!


Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.


It's a body spray called Sex Grenade. One of the divorced dad's in the hotel recommended it.