Perhaps I'll be Reginald Appleby. An English gentleman in town for a polo match.

Phil

Okay just because my uncle is clearly gay, doesn't mean he'd ever want your tacky pink tree. And frankly, we'd rather throw some lights on our coat rack than have to deal with knuckledraggers like you, today of all days...December 16th.

Alex

This whole thing is a colossal fog cue.

Jay

There's no reason you should stay upright, but it just works.

Jay [to Gloria]

If an accident does happen, I hope he kills me, because I don't think I would be a very inspiring disabled person.

Cameron

You're going to find somebody because you're an amazing girl Katie, you're the whole package, I just prefer someone who has one.

Cameron

Are you doing sex?

Luke

You can insult a lot of things about me - my hair, my voice, my balance-board exercises - but don't insult my selling. That crosses a line. What line? Oh, you don't see it? That's because I just sold it!

Phil

Leave it to the gays to raise the only underachieving Asian in America.

Mitchell

You know what I might just go crazy tonight and hook up all over him.

Alex

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me

Well, my white-man name is Tucker. I am 1/16 Cherokee. Ready for child to soar like eagle.

Cam

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me