This whole thing is a colossal fog cue.

Jay

There's no reason you should stay upright, but it just works.

Jay [to Gloria]

I brought you some soda, but I couldn't find any straws, so you'll have to drink it like cats.

Luke

Sweetheart I would love to be wrong, but I don't live with the right people for that.

Claire

Leave it to the gays to raise the only underachieving Asian in America.

Mitchell

You know what I might just go crazy tonight and hook up all over him.

Alex

She's being facetious...sarcastic...Dylan no stay!

Alex [to Haley]

My gaydar is never wrong and it is pinging like we're at a bathhouse.

Mitchell

Perhaps I'll be Reginald Appleby. An English gentleman in town for a polo match.

Phil

Okay just because my uncle is clearly gay, doesn't mean he'd ever want your tacky pink tree. And frankly, we'd rather throw some lights on our coat rack than have to deal with knuckledraggers like you, today of all days...December 16th.

Alex

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me

Hey, the world needs more dreamers Luke. Never stop licking things.

Phil

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Can I sit around an empty house and wait for someone? Baby I'm a realtor. I have a license for that.

Phil