Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

Leave it to the gays to raise the only underachieving Asian in America.

Mitchell

If an accident does happen, I hope he kills me, because I don't think I would be a very inspiring disabled person.

Cameron

You can insult a lot of things about me - my hair, my voice, my balance-board exercises - but don't insult my selling. That crosses a line. What line? Oh, you don't see it? That's because I just sold it!

Phil

Sweetheart I would love to be wrong, but I don't live with the right people for that.

Claire

You're going to find somebody because you're an amazing girl Katie, you're the whole package, I just prefer someone who has one.

Cameron

There's no reason you should stay upright, but it just works.

Jay [to Gloria]

This whole thing is a colossal fog cue.

Jay

Okay just because my uncle is clearly gay, doesn't mean he'd ever want your tacky pink tree. And frankly, we'd rather throw some lights on our coat rack than have to deal with knuckledraggers like you, today of all days...December 16th.

Alex

Hey, the world needs more dreamers Luke. Never stop licking things.

Phil

Luke, I am your father. That's what I said to you when you were coming out of your mom's lady parts.

Phil

Well, my white-man name is Tucker. I am 1/16 Cherokee. Ready for child to soar like eagle.

Cam

Phil: My wife is always so tired and she's always making lists of things for me to do.
Claire: Maybe if you did them she wouldn't be so tired.
Phil: Oh no, she could make lists for days.

Displaying quotes 25 - 36 of 1290 in total