Leave it to the gays to raise the only underachieving Asian in America.

Mitchell

Sweetheart I would love to be wrong, but I don't live with the right people for that.

Claire

This whole thing is a colossal fog cue.

Jay

There's no reason you should stay upright, but it just works.

Jay [to Gloria]

Perhaps I'll be Reginald Appleby. An English gentleman in town for a polo match.

Phil

You can insult a lot of things about me - my hair, my voice, my balance-board exercises - but don't insult my selling. That crosses a line. What line? Oh, you don't see it? That's because I just sold it!

Phil

Okay just because my uncle is clearly gay, doesn't mean he'd ever want your tacky pink tree. And frankly, we'd rather throw some lights on our coat rack than have to deal with knuckledraggers like you, today of all days...December 16th.

Alex

You're going to find somebody because you're an amazing girl Katie, you're the whole package, I just prefer someone who has one.

Cameron

She looks like she was dipped in glue and dragged through a flea market.

Cam [about Lily]

Mitchell: You had your own moments. You had cheerleading, and high school plays, and making out with the quarterback...
Claire: Oh come on, you made out with him, too.
Mitchell: Yeah, but we had to keep it a secret.

Phil: My wife is always so tired and she's always making lists of things for me to do.
Claire: Maybe if you did them she wouldn't be so tired.
Phil: Oh no, she could make lists for days.

Hey, the world needs more dreamers Luke. Never stop licking things.

Phil

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Claire: My mom started drinking these cocktails called "horny Colombians" with some of Gloria's uncles, whom apparently the drink was named after
Phil: Oh come, they were funny
Claire: They kept grabbing my butt
Phil: Somebody is full of herself. It's a Colombian wedding tradition.. they said