There's no reason you should stay upright, but it just works.

Jay [to Gloria]

I brought you some soda, but I couldn't find any straws, so you'll have to drink it like cats.

Luke

Sweetheart I would love to be wrong, but I don't live with the right people for that.

Claire

If an accident does happen, I hope he kills me, because I don't think I would be a very inspiring disabled person.

Cameron

You're going to find somebody because you're an amazing girl Katie, you're the whole package, I just prefer someone who has one.

Cameron

Gloria: I'm pregnant.
Claire: You're gonna get so fat!

You can insult a lot of things about me - my hair, my voice, my balance-board exercises - but don't insult my selling. That crosses a line. What line? Oh, you don't see it? That's because I just sold it!

Phil

Leave it to the gays to raise the only underachieving Asian in America.

Mitchell

You know what I might just go crazy tonight and hook up all over him.

Alex

She's being facetious...sarcastic...Dylan no stay!

Alex [to Haley]

You win an Oscar. You buy a Golden Globe.

Cam

Manny, you were afraid to light the barbecue, but now your eyebrows have grown back and your salmon is legendary!

Gloria

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

It's a body spray called Sex Grenade. One of the divorced dad's in the hotel recommended it.

Luke