By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

Closet Con is the premiere North American trade show for the closet industry. I stopped going years ago because it’s a trade show for the closet industry.

Jay

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me

It's a body spray called Sex Grenade. One of the divorced dad's in the hotel recommended it.

Luke

That's the funny thing about marriage, you fall in love with this extraordinary person and over time they begin to seem ordinary. I think it's all the nagging.

Phil

If you ain't white, you ain't right.

Phil

It is really nice to be liked for who you really are pretending to be.

Mitchell

Don't cry, you'll streak your bronzer.

Mitchell [to Cam]

Maybe I bring out the worst in them when there's no fun loving Phil around to neutralize my toxins.

Claire

This hair at a pool party? One dunk and it goes off like an airbag.

Manny

His name is Ponce? He'd get made fun of at my school. They'd probably call him "Pants."

Luke

Cam: Woo! That's the real Jay!
Jay: You know it! [snaps finger]

Modern Family Quotes

By the way, do not look up peeing games on the internet.

Jay

It's a body spray called Sex Grenade. One of the divorced dad's in the hotel recommended it.

Luke