Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
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It's a body spray called Sex Grenade. One of the divorced dad's in the hotel recommended it.


Just coffee for me today. Black. Like I feel on the inside.


Alex: Dad, we haven't had lunch yet.
Phil: Neither have half the kids in Africa. Stop yappin' and get back to work.

You can't have two fun parents... You know that kid Liam who wears pajama pants to school and pays for things with a hundred-dollar bill? Two fun parents.


Not since I fell off the roof while they were delivering our trampoline have things come together so beautifully.


Haley: Dad, that was a stop sign.
Phil: I'll stop twice on the way back.

I'm fine, he's only one. I watched him pee into his own face and smile.


You dated a Dottie after Dede?


Good to see you Betty Luke.

Phil [to Luke]

Calm down, you're gonna spook the boob.

Luke [to Manny]

I'm not adorable, I'm getting a mustache.


It's hard to sleep in a bed of lies, isn't it, Jay?

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