Listen to me. I think you went to the jewelry store inside here (points to Jay's heart) and brought back a gem.

Manny

Okay you need to calm down. This college tour, not Oprah's favorite things.

Alex

Oh what? The mascot's a beaver, those jokes will get old.

Claire

Manny: When you first started dating him, what was his nickname for you?
Gloria: Sexy pants.
Manny: Ew. The other one?
Gloria: Bunny.

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Cam: Okay, come on we have something to show you!
Lily: Is it dinner or is my mouth too ugly to put food into?

I never get sick. I must've caught some kind of chill on the beach when my socks got wet...My ankles burn.

Mitchell

It went to my ears on our flight home. I may have moaned a bit. A crying baby complained about me.

Cam

Claire: This cold stops with me. Why do you think I swapped beds with Luke last night?
Phil: You did?
Luke: Appreciated the back rub. Not sure I loved being called Miss Thang.
Phil: Nooooo!

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If laughter is the best medicine, consider yourself grape flavored Triaminic.

Phil [to Luke]

Claire: Why are you trying to turn this into a fight? I called to yell at you for getting me sick. Love you, bye.
Mitchell: I love you too.

I can be challenging finding playmates for an exceptional child. I don't mean to brag, but that's why i didn't have any friends.

Mitchell

Stress is all a part of football. If you're not throwing up in your mouth, you're not doing it right.

Jay

Modern Family Quotes

You could pretend to get sick at the table. You know cough, stomachache, dealer's choice, I don't care just sell it.

Mitchell

Thank you Uncle Manny!

Haley