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Don't ever ask me about my business Claire.


We're not bad parents, Claire is!

Cam [to Mitchell]

Haley: Dad tried to fix all our problems and instead ruined all our lives.
Alex: Nightmare.
Claire: You girls are so dramatic. Do I need to call you a wambulance?

Claire: You have an in law who no matter what you do, no matter how hard you try, you can't win over.
Jay: What about it?
Claire: Oh that doesn't sound familiar?
Jay:You're not saying.
Claire: Mmhmm, yeah I am.
Jay: Son of a bitch, I'm Phil!

Nobody doesn't like me. I'm Jay. I'm salt of the earth.


Because we refused to abuse we got banned from the party of the century?


Claire: Wow pretty cozy with the new housekeeper huh?
Gloria: She's my sister.
Claire: Wow pretty weird with your sister!

What's one more son in a dress?


I know you guys like to go to mom because she's Mr. Tough Guy problem solver.

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