Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

Gloria: I cannot believe he spent 50 dollars on this.
Jay: I know! He could've gotten a two-year subscription to Playboy for that.

I just wanted to spend my night with some fun gay people. It's not my fault this one decided to be straight!

Claire

I want music and dancing and secondhand smoke!

Claire

Think about it, 14-year-old boy, talks about girls all day long. We have more security on these computers than the Pentagon. What do you think he's doing up there?

Jay

What do you mean she blossomed? Like the puberty?

Gloria

I'm not gay, I'm French.

Julian

When I talk to my old friends from college do we croak or do we bark?

Phil

Are you trying to ruin college for me before it even starts?

Haley [to Phil]

Claire: Alright ladies. Go home, roll up your hair and clap off the lights because this guy, who I just met, is gonna show me a good time.
Mitchell: If he was straight this would be just like high school.

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