Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC

I'll admit it. I'm turned on by powerful women.
Michelle Obama, Oprah, Condoleezza Rice, Serena Williams… Wait a minute.

Phil Dunphy

Manny: I guess I'm too proud to ask for help.
Jay: Are you kidding? She still cuts your steak.

Fine I'll see you in jail! It's gonna be a big adjustment for two of you.

Mitchell [to Cam, Jay, Phil]

I take my eye off the ball for one minute and I've got one kid in a coma, one with a black eye, and one running a crime ring.


No cops! We can't afford a scandal right now! Claire's running for town council.


He wasn't armed, he had a Hillary bumper sticker.


Jay: He wants more wow. What does that even mean?
Manny: It's the Bieberization of America.

It's in a block of ice. I got the idea when I heard a bunch of rich guys talking about their frozen assets. Haha assets.

Luke [about his money]

If you wanna fly I'm not gonna hold your feet to the ground, I'm gonna be the one to push you off the cliff.

Phil [to Claire]
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