Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

You're all the porn I need.

Phil

He lost his monocle on the drive. Head was out the window.

Jay [on Barkley]

You're just mad at the old balls and chain.

Jay

I could be a chump, do the usual, give the money back to the casino. Or I could do something for myself and get something from the casino store.

Jay

We're both with people different from us, and that's gonna create stuff. But you want different.

Jay

Some are real, right? Like Anne Frank's?

Luke [on diaries, not boobs]

He's like Batman, but straight.

Mitchell [on the gardener]

I'm like a big runaway charity truck and Mitchell is my off-ramp full of safety gravel.

Cameron

This is not art. This is an unholy mix between man and beast.

Gloria

That was hardly porn. It was a topless woman on a tractor. You know what they call that in Europe? A cereal commercial.

Phil
Displaying all 10 quotes

Modern Family Season 1 Episode 12 Quotes

This is not art. This is an unholy mix between man and beast.

Gloria

That was hardly porn. It was a topless woman on a tractor. You know what they call that in Europe? A cereal commercial.

Phil