Modern Family

Modern Family "The Incident" Quotes

Gloria: Jay, I'm home. Did Manny call?
Jay: No, because he's fine. It was a slumber party, not a gang fight.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Haley: Okay, mom just doesn't trust me and it's not fair.
Phil: She trusts you, it's just the weird stuff that happens at concerts. Boys get urges.
Haley: Eww! Dad, is there something you want?
Phil: Yes, there is., to connect with this girl right here. Now come on, pretend I'm not your dad. We're just a couple of friends kickin' it in a juice bar.
Haley: What's a juice bar?
Phil: Okay a malt shop, whatever.
Haley: Dad, I don't...
Phil: No, who's dad, who's dad? I'm Marcus, from Biology. Hey Haley! How's it going with you and Dylan? Does he try anything inappropriate with you, girl?
Haley [answering her phone]: Hey. I don't know, nothing, just talking to some dork I met in a malt shop
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Jay: What's up!
Mitchell: Uh, well you know, uh, moms in town.
Jay: Your mom?
Mitchell: No, no your mom. She's back from the grave. Yes, yes my mom, dad.
Jay: My mom would be less scary
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Dede: I don't know what just happened.
Dylan: I do. I mean it seems pretty simple to me. You're reaching out, trying to hold onto something awesome.
Haley: Um maybe, maybe you shouldn't.
Dylan: Look, look, look, I'm not used to this, the whole "big family" thing. In my house, we don't even talk to each other. You know it's funny, the first time I saw Haley, I knew I liked her. I mean she's beautiful and everything, but it's it's not just that. She's got this killer confidence. You know, the kind of confidence that you get from having a family like this, that's passionate and accepting of hot foreigners, and gay dudes, and nutty people. You know, a family that actually loves each other
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Phil [to Manny]: Nice moustache
Jay: Don't make fun of him or he'll burn your house down
 • Rating: Unrated

Dede: That's very revealing
Claire: That's my parenting style
Dede: No, I meant your blouse
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Dede: Why so long?
Claire: I know it's weird when it's been a long time since we talked
Dede: I meant your hair
 • Rating: Unrated

Dede [about Jay and Gloria]: I knew they were perfect for each other when I saw his wallet and her boobs
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Claire [on her mother]: You know how growing up we all have that voice inside our head that tells us we're not good enough? Well, mine was outside my head driving me to school
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cameron: There's a fish in nature that swims around with its babies in its mouth. That fish would look at Mitchell's relationship with his mother and say, "That's messed up."
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Are we missing your favorite quote from "The Incident?" Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!