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Gloria: Jay, I'm home. Did Manny call?
Jay: No, because he's fine. It was a slumber party, not a gang fight.
- Permalink: Jay, I'm home. Did Manny call? No, because he's fine. It was a...
Haley: Okay, mom just doesn't trust me and it's not fair.
Phil: She trusts you, it's just the weird stuff that happens at concerts. Boys get urges.
Haley: Eww! Dad, is there something you want?
Phil: Yes, there is., to connect with this girl right here. Now come on, pretend I'm not your dad. We're just a couple of friends kickin' it in a juice bar.
Haley: What's a juice bar?
Phil: Okay a malt shop, whatever.
Haley: Dad, I don't...
Phil: No, who's dad, who's dad? I'm Marcus, from Biology. Hey Haley! How's it going with you and Dylan? Does he try anything inappropriate with you, girl?
Haley [answering her phone]: Hey. I don't know, nothing, just talking to some dork I met in a malt shop
- Permalink: Okay, mom just doesn't trust me and it's not fair. She trusts ...
Jay: What's up!
Mitchell: Uh, well you know, uh, moms in town.
Jay: Your mom?
Mitchell: No, no your mom. She's back from the grave. Yes, yes my mom, dad.
Jay: My mom would be less scary
- Permalink: What's up! Uh, well you know, uh, moms in town. Your mom? ...
Dede: I don't know what just happened.
Dylan: I do. I mean it seems pretty simple to me. You're reaching out, trying to hold onto something awesome.
Haley: Um maybe, maybe you shouldn't.
Dylan: Look, look, look, I'm not used to this, the whole "big family" thing. In my house, we don't even talk to each other. You know it's funny, the first time I saw Haley, I knew I liked her. I mean she's beautiful and everything, but it's it's not just that. She's got this killer confidence. You know, the kind of confidence that you get from having a family like this, that's passionate and accepting of hot foreigners, and gay dudes, and nutty people. You know, a family that actually loves each other
- Permalink: I don't know what just happened. I do. I mean it seems pretty ...
Phil [to Manny]: Nice moustache
Jay: Don't make fun of him or he'll burn your house down
- Permalink: Nice moustache Don't make fun of him or he'll burn your house ...
Dede: That's very revealing
Claire: That's my parenting style
Dede: No, I meant your blouse
- Permalink: That's very revealing That's my parenting style No, I meant ...
Dede: Why so long?
Claire: I know it's weird when it's been a long time since we talked
Dede: I meant your hair
- Permalink: Why so long? I know it's weird when it's been a long time sinc...
I knew they were perfect for each other when I saw his wallet and her boobsDede [about Jay and Gloria]
- Permalink: I knew they were perfect for each other when I saw his wallet an...
You know how growing up we all have that voice inside our head that tells us we're not good enough? Well, mine was outside my head driving me to schoolClaire [on her mother]
- Permalink: You know how growing up we all have that voice inside our head t...
There's a fish in nature that swims around with its babies in its mouth. That fish would look at Mitchell's relationship with his mother and say, "That's messed up."Cameron
- Permalink: There's a fish in nature that swims around with its babies in it...
Phil: I think what your mother is worried about is you getting your heart broken when Dylan goes off to college next year
Claire [same time]: That's not what I'm worried about...
Haley [same time]: Dylan's not going to college
Claire: He's not going to college?
Haley: He's in a band, they're going on tour
Claire: Oh this keeps getting better and better
- Permalink: I think what your mother is worried about is you getting your he...
Claire: My mom started drinking these cocktails called "horny Colombians" with some of Gloria's uncles, whom apparently the drink was named after
Phil: Oh come, they were funny
Claire: They kept grabbing my butt
Phil: Somebody is full of herself. It's a Colombian wedding tradition.. they said
- Permalink: My mom started drinking these c**ktails called horny Colombians ...