Jay: I didn't mean for her to get hurt.
Gloria: Not her, he when he realizes not every second wife looks like this.

• Permalink: Not her, he when he realizes not every second wife looks like this.
• Added: May 21, 2014

Wait is fire weather?

Haley

• Permalink: Wait is fire weather?
• Added: May 21, 2014

Claire: There's a reason I'm the best person.
Mitchell: You know that's just a title for today right?
Claire: Yeah, I'm the best person at this wedding.

• Permalink: Yeah, I'm the best person at this wedding.
• Added: May 21, 2014

Don't cry, you'll streak your bronzer.

Mitchell [to Cam]

• Permalink: Don't cry, you'll streak your bronzer.
• Added: May 21, 2014

Mitchell: This is my second favorite suit of yours.
Cam: Second?
Mitchell: Right after your birthday suit.
Cam: Hey! Cut it out, I'm practically a married man.

• Permalink: Hey! Cut it out, I'm practically a married man.
• Added: May 21, 2014

Half our guests are gay; we're finally giving them a good memory on a school bus.

Cam

• Permalink: Half our guests are gay; we're finally giving them a good memory on a school bus.
• Added: May 21, 2014

Thanks to 35 dollars on the Internet you are looking at the Good Reverend Phillip Humphrey Dunphy.

Phil

• Permalink: Thanks to 35 dollars on the Internet you are looking at the Good Reverend Phillip Humphrey...
• Added: May 21, 2014

Just so you know sometimes when babies come this early, they're black.

Sal

• Permalink: Just so you know sometimes when babies come this early, they're black.
• Added: May 21, 2014