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Alex: I know what you think about Michael, mom. You didn't have to bring your big gay guns in to back you up. No offense.
Mitchell: None taken.
Cam: I kinda like it.

I'm not a rider, I'm a strider.


Cam: When I was young and straight, I left a trail of broken hearts like a rock star. I'm not proud of it.
Mitchell: You're kinda proud of it, you work it into a lot of conversations.

I'm not nervous, I've had hogs bigger than this between my legs!


If she wants to get her heart broken by a gay guy, she can do so when she's 18 or 19 and can drink her way through it.

Claire [about Alex]

Wake up Delgado, locked box, from Columbia, no more questions, it's obviously a human head.


I'm just 90% sure he's 100% gay.


Jay: You're wearing a $10K watch and you haggling over 15 cents?
Guy: You live in this place and you can't let that 15 cents go?
Jay: Fine 35.
Guy: Can you break a 50?
Jay: Get out.

Phil: It's not nerdy, Luke back me up.
Luke: I hope you mean into the garage because I have friend on this street.

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