Modern Family

Modern Family Quotes (Page 2)

Episode 12: "Egg Drop"

Jay: Sometimes the best thing to do in a race to the top is grease the pole behind you.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Cam: It's kind of like a first date.
Mitchell: Actually it's the opposite of the first date. You don't want to have sex, but you do want a baby.
 • Rating: Unrated

Mitchell: Claire is like the son my dad always wanted. He just wanted someone to throw a ball in the backyard, I did once but he did not attend.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Gloria: That's when you know your family loves you, when they feel free to scream at you.
 • Rating: Unrated

Manny: I understood " crazy old witch" "go kill yourself" then "I love you."
 • Rating: Unrated

Episode 11: "Lifetime Supply"

Jay: This is a lot of hocus pocus, I can't believe I bought a coffee cake over this!!!
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Mitchell: I'm so glad I spoke to Alex because she agreed with every single thing that I was saying...which made me realize that I was acting like a 14-year-old girl.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Manny: I love gambling, it's so easy!!
 • Rating: Unrated

Claire: I assure you, you are fine.
Phil: That's very comforting coming from a marketing major at a party school.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Claire [to Luke]: Honey don't you think it's weird that one of your friends is an 80-year-old man?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Javier: Golf? Psh that sport is for old men and women who like other women.
 • Rating: Unrated

Phil: Let's dim the lights, crank up Norah Jones and get this over with.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Doctor [to Phil]: You can stop holding in your stomach now.
 • Rating: Unrated

Episode 10: "Express Christmas"

Jay: Hey what do you say we cut our losses? Let's go out to a nice Chinese restaurant and have a traditional Jewish Christmas.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Claire: Oh thank God, here comes Phil and the butterball.
Manny: Hey, I have a name!!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Phil: That's how Craigslist works. Total strangers sell you things like signed vintage baseball cards that make your father-in-law respect you for an afternoon.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cam: Why so much tape Jay?
Jay: Why are you wearing a sweater when it's 95 degrees out?
Cam: It's my Christmas sweater!
Jay: Based on those stains, you are the Christmas sweater.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cam: Cam and Jay, kind of sounds like a bird.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Alex: Okay just because my uncle is clearly gay, doesn't mean he'd ever want your tacky pink tree. And frankly, we'd rather throw some lights on our coat rack than have to deal with knuckledraggers like you, today of all days...December 16th.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Claire: Listen to me, your whole life has led to this moment. All the training, the hours of dedication, there's not a soul alive that can touch you when it comes to shopping and baby you know it. Look at me, be you!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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