Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
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Jay: Where were you when I was growing up? I'd of had your dice and cigarettes before you got to homeroom.
Manny: Where'd you go to school? "Guys and Dolls?"

We're showing Lily that we trust her enough to have one nice thing.

Mitchell

Claire: Who's Victor? We never heard about him.
Haley: Oh because I knew you'd never let me go out with an ex con.

Haley isn't the only hottie living here. I washed the car in my cheer shorts the other day. I definitely felt eyes on me.

Phil

I get that Thanksgiving is an big day for families that don't see each other, but we're together nonstop.

Jay

Cam: I just can't believe I slipped into one of Gloria's dresses.
MItchell: Relax it's a maternity poncho.

Do you think we could just go downstairs and throw money at this and it would go away? I'm asking you, do you think that would work?

Jay

Cam: Trust me, I have another plan.
Mitchell: Really? Because right now our daughter is walking around like a Vietnamese Annie Hall.

Right now you’re her pal and I’m just a pitchfork wielding she-devil.

Mitchell [to Cam]

We’re having a little staycation but with a turkey instead of a steak!

Gloria

I like staying with you but it's basically camping.

Manny [to Haley]

I listened to her meringue instructions in the car last week. There was so much whipping and beating I had to pull over.

Phil
Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 1290 in total