Modern Family

Modern Family Season 1 Quotes

Season 1 Episode 24: "Family Portrait"

Phil: Put the 'he' in 'hero,' son.
 • Rating: 4.3 / 5.0

Jay: The new maid keeps mixing up my underwear with Manny's. Put on the first thing I grabbed. It was like a crotch tourniquet.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Phil: Claire's a perfectionist, which sometimes is a good thing, like when it comes to picking a husband.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Phil: What people do in the privacy of their own sports arena should be their own business.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cameron: I get it, you're terrfied of small talk and birds, you're just lucky that pigeon didn't want to chat you up about the weather.
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Luke: My dad says the greatest singer who ever lived is Peabo Bryson.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cameron: Calm down, you know I grew up around many animals. One time a rooster attacked me and my mom rung its neck and we had it for dinner.
 • Rating: Unrated

Claire: Quick, quick tell me something to say that will freak him out.
Haley: Tell him I'm pregnant!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Phil: I brought my own snacks, not because I'm cheap — it's a matter of principle. Plus I get a little rush from the danger. Be cool, be cool, be cool! Just look straight ahead... I've never felt more alive. WoOo!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Manny: Hey Mom, I think my diet's working! My underwear won't stay up!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Gloria: The question is, why isn't all your underwear good, Jay? You make a nice living!
 • Rating: Unrated

Phil: Ordinarily I'm a rule follower, but when someone tells me I can't bring my own snacks into their stadium? That's when I get a little... nuts. It's a free country right? Let's just say it Ruffles me when some Goobers tell me I have to spend my half my PayDay on their hot dogs.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 23: "Hawaii"

Mitchell: Why did you dress her in jungle print?
Cam: Because I thought it would be cute!
Mitchell: She's going to think she's back in Vietnam!
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Manny: Oh no, who will pee all over the bathroom floor?
Luke: I was brushing my teeth at the same time...you try to do that.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Luke: I had bread, I had cheese, and I had an iron. What was I supposed to do?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Gloria: I thought one of the advantages of marrying an older guy was that I was going to be able to relax. But all of this swimming and running and rowing, it's just like how some of my relatives got into this country!
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Cameron: It would be like Lewis telling Clark that he didn't like to walk. Sidenote: We're very good friends with a couple named Lewis and Clark. Clark bought a big sparkly belt in New Orleans that he calls his Louisiana Purchase.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cameron: He was a very nice man when we met him, but based on his recent letters I have a small fear he's become a war lord.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Manny: I noticed some lovely some lovely tweens down by the kids' club, maybe we can find a nice spot near them by the pool and send over a couple of virgin Mai Tais. They may be interested in two sophisticated men like us.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Claire: I got pregnant with Haley.
Phil: My bad!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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