Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
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Gloria: What about the pigeons?
Jay: I don't like them. They're shifty.

I only understand about 20% of what goes on around here.


We're like Ponce de Leon and his son... little Ponce.


You never want your kids to see you scared. You want to be that rock that they grab a hold of in a stormy sea. Actually, a rock would sink. So a floating rock.


I could have guessed he'd have trouble with roller coasters. That kid gets woozy at barbershops when they spin his chair towards the mirror.


Manny, you were afraid to light the barbecue, but now your eyebrows have grown back and your salmon is legendary!


Take it down a notch. We're just trying to make a friend not initiate a three-way.


I have to get old... you don't have to get fat.


Can we stop calling me little guy? I'm in the fortieth percentile.


You have a laugh that makes science lab seem like recess.


I've seen the kid do a pull-up.


The universe is cold and loveless.

Displaying quotes 121 - 132 of 300 in total

Modern Family Season 1 Quotes

The recipe is from the now-defunct Gourmet magazine. Why do all the things I love go away?


The new maid keeps mixing up my underwear with Manny's. Put on the first thing I grabbed. It was like a crotch tourniquet.