We're guys, we don't open up. We talk about sports and cars and getting up in the middle of the night to pee.

Jay

I had to actually come out to my dad three times before he acknowledged it. I'm not sure if maybe he was hoping he heard it wrong, like I said 'Dad, I'm grey.'

Mitchell

You guys look like a scene out of Jersey Boys.

Cameron

The little snowflake makes it cold, cold, cold. Set Temperature makes it hold, hold, hold...

Phil

I come from a neighborhood with a lot of prostitutes.

Gloria

Her name is Whitney. I met her in the online book club. We both like vampire fiction and the romance of eternal life.

Manny

I know this seems impossible, but this is for all those times Mom told you she was right and you knew she was wrong.

Phil

People are who they are, give or take 15 percent. That's how much people can change if they really want to.

Mitchell

My gaydar is never wrong and it is pinging like we're at a bathhouse.

Mitchell

Mitchell [on burning flowers and Cameron]: Look at that: two things flaming at once.

I have this theory that Phil purposely installs complicated technology so he has a reason to talk to me like I'm a child.

Claire

Claire: Who's our dumbest kid?
Phil: Luke.

Modern Family Season 1 Quotes

I never liked Spandau Ballet. Our entire marriage, I never once mentioned Spandau Ballet. Am I even pronouncing that right?

Phil

Phil: Kids, get down here!
Haley: Why are you guys yelling at us? We were way upstairs, just text me.
Claire: Alright, that's not going to happen and...wow, you're not wearing that outfit.
Haley: What's wrong with it?
Claire [to Phil]: Honey, do you have anything to say to your daughter about her skirt?
Phil: Sorry. Oh yeah, it looks really cute sweetheart.
Haley: Thanks.
Claire [to Haley]: No, it's way too short. People know you're a girl; you don't need to prove it to them