We're guys, we don't open up. We talk about sports and cars and getting up in the middle of the night to pee.


I had to actually come out to my dad three times before he acknowledged it. I'm not sure if maybe he was hoping he heard it wrong, like I said 'Dad, I'm grey.'


You guys look like a scene out of Jersey Boys.


The little snowflake makes it cold, cold, cold. Set Temperature makes it hold, hold, hold...


I come from a neighborhood with a lot of prostitutes.


Her name is Whitney. I met her in the online book club. We both like vampire fiction and the romance of eternal life.


I know this seems impossible, but this is for all those times Mom told you she was right and you knew she was wrong.


People are who they are, give or take 15 percent. That's how much people can change if they really want to.


My gaydar is never wrong and it is pinging like we're at a bathhouse.


Mitchell [on burning flowers and Cameron]: Look at that: two things flaming at once.

I have this theory that Phil purposely installs complicated technology so he has a reason to talk to me like I'm a child.


Claire: Who's our dumbest kid?
Phil: Luke.

Modern Family Season 1 Quotes

Yes, I've gained a few extra pounds while we were expecting the baby... but that's science. You can't fight it.


If Haley got pregnant, would you ever pretend she got mono for a few months and then tell everyone the baby's yours?