Modern Family

Modern Family Season 1 Quotes (Page 14)

Season 1 Episode 4: "The Incident"

Dede: That's very revealing
Claire: That's my parenting style
Dede: No, I meant your blouse
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Dede: Why so long?
Claire: I know it's weird when it's been a long time since we talked
Dede: I meant your hair
 • Rating: Unrated

Dede [about Jay and Gloria]: I knew they were perfect for each other when I saw his wallet and her boobs
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Claire [on her mother]: You know how growing up we all have that voice inside our head that tells us we're not good enough? Well, mine was outside my head driving me to school
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cameron: There's a fish in nature that swims around with its babies in its mouth. That fish would look at Mitchell's relationship with his mother and say, "That's messed up."
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Phil: I think what your mother is worried about is you getting your heart broken when Dylan goes off to college next year
Claire [same time]: That's not what I'm worried about...
Haley [same time]: Dylan's not going to college
Claire: He's not going to college?
Haley: He's in a band, they're going on tour
Claire: Oh this keeps getting better and better
 • Rating: Unrated

Claire: My mom started drinking these cocktails called "horny Colombians" with some of Gloria's uncles, whom apparently the drink was named after
Phil: Oh come, they were funny
Claire: They kept grabbing my butt
Phil: Somebody is full of herself. It's a Colombian wedding tradition.. they said
 • Rating: Unrated

Cameron: Who was that?
Mitchell: My mom
Cameron: Yeah right, cause the last time she was here the magnets are the refrigerator arranged themselves into a penta... hi grandma!
 • Rating: Unrated

Gloria: I'm taking a shower, would you like to join me?
Jay: Honey, you know there's a gun in the footlocker in the garage, if I ever say no, I want you to use it on me
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 3: "Come Fly With Me"

Cameron: I'm sort of like Costco. I'm big, I'm not fancy and I dare you to not like me.
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Phil: Jay and I are buds, for sure, but with kind of um, an invisible, asterisk. Um, he's not the, he's not a talker, or, or hugger. Once he ran over my foot with his car. But in his defense, he had just given up smoking, but basically we're buds
 • Rating: Unrated

Alex: So did you ever kiss another girl?
Gloria: That's no way to talk to your grandmother
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Phil: If things have gone differently in my life I could have been a pilot.... What would happen if you turn the remote off and on right again?
Jay: Yeah, you would have made a great pilot
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Gloria: I have a small flower on my ankle, and a tiny, little butterfly on my....thigh.
Alex: How high up?
Gloria: Very high.
Alex: Did you do it to look sexy, no, did you do it for a guy? Does grandpa like it?
Gloria: No, no, and yes
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Cameron: Mitchell is a snob.
Mitchell: No, n-no, I'm discerning.
Cameron: Official slogan for snobs. When we first met he wouldn't even look at me because I was a hick from the farm in Missouri and he's a big city mouse.
Mitchell: Who says city mouse?
Cameron: Country mice

 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Gloria: Men need their hobbies. Manny's father had many hobbies like hiking in the desert, that kind of skiing where they drop you from the, how do you say in English? [Makes helicopter sounds]
Jay: Helicopter.
Gloria: Yes. Once on a dare, he even boxed with an alligator.
Jay: Wrestle, you wrestle... you can't box with alligators.
Gloria: You sure?
Jay: How would they get the gloves on their little claws?
Gloria: Aren't they like tiny little hands?
Jay: No! Okay, now I forgot what we were talking about.
Gloria: Anyways, hobbies are important for the men. Whether you're risking your life, or flying little planes from a safe distance
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Manny [to Claire]: Ugh, kids, you don't have to tell me, my school is full of them
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Manny: I wish I could stay home with you and fly toy airplanes.
Jay: These aren't toy airplanes, Manny. These are models and they're very complicated. You wanna fly one of these, you gotta be familiar with air foyle, drag, lift and thrust, and these are all principles of aerodynamics.
Manny: The box says twelve and up.
Jay: What?!
Gloria: You can fly toy planes with Jay next time. Today you have to spend time with Luke.
Manny: Why?
Gloria: Because his mother invited you, so you go. Family needs to be close, right Jay?
Jay [looking at the box]: I'm pretty sure this is a typo
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Claire: Oh, go figure. A teenage boy doesn't want to hang out with his girlfriend's dad.
Phil: I thought we were past all that. I'm all about taking it to the next level.
Claire: Really? I thought you were all about keeping it real.
Phil: Yes, but the whole point of keeping it real is so you can take it to the next level. Did you really not know that?

 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Alex [to Claire]: You know, instead of trying to force me to wear a dress, why don't you worry about getting Luke to wear some pants?

 • Rating: Unrated

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