We're guys, we don't open up. We talk about sports and cars and getting up in the middle of the night to pee.

Jay

I had to actually come out to my dad three times before he acknowledged it. I'm not sure if maybe he was hoping he heard it wrong, like I said 'Dad, I'm grey.'

Mitchell

You guys look like a scene out of Jersey Boys.

Cameron

The little snowflake makes it cold, cold, cold. Set Temperature makes it hold, hold, hold...

Phil

I come from a neighborhood with a lot of prostitutes.

Gloria

Her name is Whitney. I met her in the online book club. We both like vampire fiction and the romance of eternal life.

Manny

I know this seems impossible, but this is for all those times Mom told you she was right and you knew she was wrong.

Phil

People are who they are, give or take 15 percent. That's how much people can change if they really want to.

Mitchell

My gaydar is never wrong and it is pinging like we're at a bathhouse.

Mitchell

Mitchell [on burning flowers and Cameron]: Look at that: two things flaming at once.

I have this theory that Phil purposely installs complicated technology so he has a reason to talk to me like I'm a child.

Claire

Claire: Who's our dumbest kid?
Phil: Luke.

Modern Family Season 1 Quotes

Haley: Oh my God, gross, I can't even picture you with a woman.
Claire: Thank you.

He's the suckiest suck of all time.

Mitchell