Modern Family

Modern Family Season 1 Quotes (Page 3)

Season 1 Episode 21: "Travels With Scout"

Phil: I was gonna tell Claire about the dog. I was just waiting until she was in the right mood. Actually, I did get one right mood a couple nights ago... but I cashed that in for something else.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Phil: How did Scout get your bra?
Claire: Well, we were out on a date, and he has a really nice car, so — how do you think? He got it from the laundry basket.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jay: It's just the doorbell.
Manny: Maybe a demon is ringing it!
 • Rating: Unrated

Cameron: Did you hear that woman screaming my name?
Mitchell: That was Phil. He had a Red Bull.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jay: What's up with the big sweater at a concert? Some sort of gay thing?
Mitchell: No, it's from this apres-ski party and... yes, it's some sort of gay thing.
 • Rating: Unrated

Dylan: I don't think we'd like the same music.
Cam: Because I'm gay and only like show tunes?
Dylan: Because you're old.
Cam: Well, that hurt more, Dylan.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Phil: We're like two peas in a pod, or Siamese twins, a snake with two heads!
Claire: They've actually been all those things for Halloween.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jay: You want scary? When I was his age I lived through the Cuban Missile Crisis. I slept with a butter knife under my pillow in case I had to fight some Soviet colonel.
Gloria: Why?
Jay: Because I could identify all the Commi planes.
Gloria: What are we talking about?!?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Frank: Listen, when my granddaughter's boyfriend's band plays an under-21 club with my daughter-in-law's brother's gay partner, I show up. That's just how I was raised.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Claire: No, I don't love the dog. I love my couch and the dog was looking at it like it was a giant sausage.
 • Rating: Unrated

Phil: I always felt bad for people with emotionally distant fathers; it turns out I'm one of them. It's a miracle I didn't end up a stripper.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Frank: He sheds. I made the mistake of letting him sleep with me on the road. Now my sheets look like two bigfoots did it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Manny: Was that the alarm? Has our perimeter been breached?
 • Rating: Unrated

Phil: Dad, what's up?
Frank: Nothing, but these boxers are starting to ride high.
Phil: I'm in no mood for jokes... although that was a good one. You still got it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 20: "Benched"

Mitchell's new boss: Do you guys surf?
Cameron: Only for bargains on the Web!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Basketball Coach: You're doing great, Luke, if your goal is to suck!
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Cameron [on his relationship with Mitchell]: Business partners, mergers and acquisitions. Just kidding, we're gay!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Claire: Alex, honey, when you're out shopping, you might want to pick yourself up a training bra. I know you don't need one now but your little boobies are going to come in soon. Mommy loves you, kitten!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mitchell: I'm going to have to go talk it over with my bull in a china shop.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Phil: A relationship with your father-in-law is tough. You need to prove you can stand up to him, while being respectful. It's like walking a tightrope, which by the way I can do, because I went to trapeze school.
 • Rating: Unrated

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