A relationship with your father-in-law is tough. You need to prove you can stand up to him, while being respectful. It's like walking a tightrope, which by the way I can do, because I went to trapeze school.


I'm gonna introduce him to the Captain... and Tenille.

Phil [on his fists]

Manny: Any suggestions?
Jay: I usually go with earrings

I can't pressure Mitchell. But I really, really, really just want him to get a job so I can go back to being a stay-at-home dad/trophy wife.


It's Cameron's turn to be out in the world interacting with other grown-ups while I get to stay at home and plot the death of Dora the Explorer.


Let's show these guys what kind of team they're about to beat.


Luke: Manny and I are going to practice lay-ups.
Manny: They are deceptively hard. A curious mix of dance and strength.
Luke: You're ruining it again.

One day I'm gonna be a grandfather and then everybody better hide their meat.


Who's ready for the first day of the rest of their lives?

Phil [upon getting an iPad]

Do I have time for a steam?


Gloria [at chess]: Look at this, papi!
Jay: Easy, you can't sing "We Are The Champions" without your Queen.

Claire: They're getting more in next week.
Phil: Next week? That's like the worst thing you can say to an early adopter.

Modern Family Season 1 Quotes

Yes, I've gained a few extra pounds while we were expecting the baby... but that's science. You can't fight it.


If Haley got pregnant, would you ever pretend she got mono for a few months and then tell everyone the baby's yours?