Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
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Haley: Oh my God, gross, I can't even picture you with a woman.
Claire: Thank you.

If my daughter can stand up then so can I.

Mitchell

I am going to do what I am trained to do. I am going to lie, grovel, debase myself until I get what I want. I am a lawyer, damn it.

Mitchell

It's hard to sleep in a bed of lies, isn't it, Jay?

Gloria

To this day, Mitchell looks at me, I see him thinking 'that's the guy who killed Flyza Minnelli.'

Jay

I've been through this before. When Mitchell was 9, I was supposed to take care of his bird. It got out and flew into a fan. It was like a bloody pillow fight.

Jay

I know the pain is fresh, but the lie is really old.

Phil

Luke: You had a girlfriend before mom?
Phil: I had two!

Trust me, I had plenty of fun in my time. Then, I met your mom.

Phil

Women in their 30s on the internet are like ninjas. They get in their little, black outfits and try to sneak their way into your marriage.

Claire

Denise: How many other women have you led on?
Phil: I don't know now!

Never getting my driver's license, or getting one and the picture sucks.

Haley [on her biggest fear]
Displaying quotes 97 - 108 of 300 in total

Modern Family Season 1 Quotes

The recipe is from the now-defunct Gourmet magazine. Why do all the things I love go away?

Cam

The new maid keeps mixing up my underwear with Manny's. Put on the first thing I grabbed. It was like a crotch tourniquet.

Jay