Modern Family

Modern Family Season 1 Quotes (Page 9)

Season 1 Episode 13: "Fifteen Percent"

Manny: Her name is Whitney. I met her in the online book club. We both like vampire fiction and the romance of eternal life.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Phil: I know this seems impossible, but this is for all those times Mom told you she was right and you knew she was wrong.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mitchell: People are who they are, give or take 15 percent. That's how much people can change if they really want to.
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Mitchell: My gaydar is never wrong and it is pinging like we're at a bathhouse.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mitchell [on burning flowers and Cameron]: Look at that: two things flaming at once.
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Claire: I have this theory that Phil purposely installs complicated technology so he has a reason to talk to me like I'm a child.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Claire: Who's our dumbest kid?
Phil: Luke.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 12: "Not In My House"

Phil: You're all the porn I need.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jay [on Barkley]: He lost his monocle on the drive. Head was out the window.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jay: You're just mad at the old balls and chain.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jay: I could be a chump, do the usual, give the money back to the casino. Or I could do something for myself and get something from the casino store.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jay: We're both with people different from us, and that's gonna create stuff. But you want different.
 • Rating: Unrated

Luke [on diaries, not boobs]: Some are real, right? Like Anne Frank's?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mitchell [on the gardener]: He's like Batman, but straight.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cameron: I'm like a big runaway charity truck and Mitchell is my off-ramp full of safety gravel.
 • Rating: Unrated

Gloria: This is not art. This is an unholy mix between man and beast.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Phil: That was hardly porn. It was a topless woman on a tractor. You know what they call that in Europe? A cereal commercial.
 • Rating: 4.4 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 11: "Up All Night"

Phil: I'm feeling better now...OH GOD IT'S CANCER!!!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Phil: Don't talk black to me!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Gloria: It's very important to Manny that you two go have a nice picnic in the mountains.
 • Rating: Unrated

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