Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

Caterer: Hi there. Is your father home?
Luke: I think so. Why?

Gloria: I do Jay. Why can't I do you?
Phil: You can... do me.

I was wrong, every kid wants a clown for a dad.

Mitchell

Every time he opens his mouth I can feel my daughters losing respect for me.

Claire

Mitchell: Well, if the shoe fits...
Cam: They don't, they're comically large.

It's ten feet long with boxer shorts on the end, it works on so many levels.

Cam

Haley: Dad, gross, your hand smells like cheese.
Phil: I didn't want to dirty a knife.

All those joke emails she forwarded to me months after I'd seen them? Well, no more polite LOLs for YOU, Dede.

Phil

Manny: Baby Bear's a girl? We have to do it over! I would have played it totally different.
Jay: You nailed it.

Displaying quotes 100 - 108 of 279 in total