Gloria: Is that a leash?
Cam: It's a child safety tether.

If she's going to leave the nest, we'd prefer it's not on the back of a motorcycle.

Claire [about Haley]

Do you know how much walking you have to do at Disneyland? Why do you think they have so many fat people on scooters?

Jay [to Gloria]

I may not be the tallest or the most athletic, but someday I'll be the richest which is good because the ladies love that. And I've grown accustomed to a certain lifestyle.

Manny

Okay I want everyone to eat at home because the happiest place on earth is also home to the most expensive churro on earth.

Claire

Claire: I did cartwheels.
Phil: Without me?

Alex is teaching herself Chinese so she'll be useful when they finish buying us.

Phil

What do you say? Anybody up for a hobo adventure?

Jay

Manny: I don't like the sound of that. A lot of amenities disappear when an H turns into an M!
Jay: Hey when I met you, you were eating cereal out of a bucket.

We wouldn't be in the air, we'd be in rock n roll heaven!

Gloria

Haley: This is just like last year when you wouldn't take off those skinny jeans.
Alex: Woudn't or couldn't?
Phil: Hey I looked hot!

How do I say this without sounding like an ass? I'm kind of a legend to these guys.

Jay

Modern Family Season 3 Quotes

Sweetheart I would love to be wrong, but I don't live with the right people for that.

Claire

Luke: How many moms does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Phil: How many?
Luke: None because she's got you to do that sucker.