You could pretend to get sick at the table. You know cough, stomachache, dealer's choice, I don't care just sell it.


Cam: Are you excited for your big sleepover with your cousins?
Lily: Who's watching me?
Cam: Haley.
Lily: I'm serious.
Mitchell: Alex.
Lily: Okay let's go.

I know how awesome college is, that's how I got kicked out.


That's the funny thing about marriage, you fall in love with this extraordinary person and over time they begin to seem ordinary. I think it's all the nagging.


I am very angry at you and I'm going to make a list of all the things I'm going to scream at you as soon as this baby's out of me.


How're you gonna cheerlead your way out of this one Buffy?


Yeah I was pretty ticked off that Mitchell double crossed my double cross.


In this relationship I'm the gas pedal and you are the brakes.

Cam [to Mitchell]

Cam: Okay what did we learn from "A League of Their Own?"
Claire: No crying in baseball.
Cam: No, that Madonna's a lousy actress and so are you. So what's going on?

Papa would buy ten diamond rings to get that mockingbird to shut up.


There's something about going to work that makes you feel like, I don't know, you're worth something. No offense mom.


His turn offs are farms, Fizbo, and worst of all Farmbo.

Claire [about Mitchell]

Modern Family Season 4 Quotes

So what you're saying is you have a child shaped hole in your heart and you wanna stuff a cat into it.

Mitchell [to Cam]

Jay was really explicit about what he wanted to do for his 65th birthday, but luckily Phil Dunphy knows how to read between the lines.