A wise and insightful old hippie, a Jeff Bridges old hippie.


Just because he's behind a curtain doesn't make him a wizard.


I've always felt out of place in public school, like a long petunia in an onion patch.


He says I make him nervous, that I care too much. That's why I not even allowed to bring him to his haircuts anymore.


Haley you're not quitting, you're resigning it sounds better.


Claire: Alex what have I told you about staying out past your curfew?
Alex: I need to do it more often.

Wouldn't you rather have toast that's already buttered?


Phil: What did I say about eating things for money?
Luke: Charge the most and people will think you're worth it.

Yesterday I accidentally said eleventy five.


You're never off the court!


Are we gonna do that thing again where you try on different outfits like in Pretty Woman?

Phil's dad

There is no guy, I'm the guy.


Modern Family Season 4 Quotes

So what you're saying is you have a child shaped hole in your heart and you wanna stuff a cat into it.

Mitchell [to Cam]

Jay was really explicit about what he wanted to do for his 65th birthday, but luckily Phil Dunphy knows how to read between the lines.