Well you might as well be a dead hobo in the woods of a small town after a rainstorm because you have just been discovered.


Just coffee for me today. Black. Like I feel on the inside.


All of that explaining is going out and the alcohol is not going in.


What kind of monster throws an injured innocent on the street?


My daddies kiss a lot.


Manny: My secret admirer asked that I wear a hat with a feather in it.
Jay: Which one?

Jay: Just keep hitting all those buttons until something good happens, that's my plan anyway.
Gloria: Woof.

Happy Valentine's Day, it's the one time of year when the world tries to be as romantic as I am all the time. Good luck world.


Everybody who I did not create, get out of my house right now.


I think I may have been being too sexy.


I know a lot of people think I'm attracted to Jay because of his mind. But they're wrong. I'm attracted to him because he's sexy.


I like big putts and I cannot lie.


Modern Family Season 4 Quotes

So what you're saying is you have a child shaped hole in your heart and you wanna stuff a cat into it.

Mitchell [to Cam]

Jay was really explicit about what he wanted to do for his 65th birthday, but luckily Phil Dunphy knows how to read between the lines.