Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern-family

Mitchell: This is how Cam's dad sees me, like some fawning damsel.
Jay: If anything, Cam's the damsel.
Mitchell: Dad! Thanks.

C'mon we gotta go! That party's full of sophomores. Those women have lived.

Luke

Back in Vietnam I had Hepatitis, still managed to cook Thanksgiving dinner for 300 soldiers. I think I can handle sauce.

Jay

This hair at a pool party? One dunk and it goes off like an airbag.

Manny

Cam: Hey we got a package from my dad!
Mitchell: No air holes in the box, that's a good sign.
Cam: Lily loved having that chicken.
Mitchell: One more time than she realized.

Just a warning, I haven't shampooed professionally since college and that was only part-time to pay for my cheer gear.

Phil

Mitchell: You sound just like the kid who bullied me into smoking my first cigarette.
Claire: Maybe this time you won't tell on me.

Wait they're allowed up there? They're wearing dungarees!

Jay

Nice robe, like Hef back in the day. I'm gonna cut to the chase. I like your lifestyle, I want a taste of it.

Jay [to Langham]
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