Jay: I didn't mean for her to get hurt.
Gloria: Not her, he when he realizes not every second wife looks like this.

Wait is fire weather?


Claire: There's a reason I'm the best person.
Mitchell: You know that's just a title for today right?
Claire: Yeah, I'm the best person at this wedding.

Don't cry, you'll streak your bronzer.

Mitchell [to Cam]

Mitchell: This is my second favorite suit of yours.
Cam: Second?
Mitchell: Right after your birthday suit.
Cam: Hey! Cut it out, I'm practically a married man.

Half our guests are gay; we're finally giving them a good memory on a school bus.


Thanks to 35 dollars on the Internet you are looking at the Good Reverend Phillip Humphrey Dunphy.


Just so you know sometimes when babies come this early, they're black.


I think I just broke a nail on a turtle.


Jerry: Where did she come from?
Mitchell: Because she doesn't look like us? That’s offensive.

You guys exhaust me.


Alex: So what're you gonna do in Utah.
Andy: Well, me and my girlfriend haven’t seen each other in a while so we're gonna be like a couple bunny rabbits…
Alex: Wow.
Andy: Hopping all over town.

Modern Family Season 5 Quotes

Sometimes I don't know if I love how much I fear Claire or fear how much I love her.


I know how it works. I rented the wrong movie once. Did you see Glenn Gary Glenn and Ross?