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Ncis

Well tie me up and call me Loretta.

Fornell

Today's new friend is tomorrow's family.

Abby [reading fortune]

[to McGee] That's like a yoga position. Upside down manatee.

Tony

There is no such thing as a small world. (Season 10, Episode 14)

Rule #39A

McGee: I've got alerts at the train stations, bus stations, local LEOs up and down the coast as well as any and all hardware shipments, commercial or military. I have hung a net.
Ziva: I do not know who Annette is, or why you are so proud of killing her.
McGee: No, what I mean is, if they make a move, we're gonna know about it.

(Gibbs walks in on Tony and McGee with the blow-up doll)
Tony: Morning, Boss!
McGee: This isn't what it looks like, Boss.
Gibbs: Well, what is it, Tim?
McGee: Erm...a joke...I think. A really bad, practical joke.
Gibbs: I'm not laughing. (Gibbs turns and heads for his desk) Lose your gal-pal. (To everyone) Grab your gear. Got a dead Marine in Springfield.
(McGee tries effortlessly to hide the blow-up doll as the rest of the team head for the elevator)

Tony: Tell me. What can I do? What do you need?
Ziva: Revenge.

Ziva: I'm feeling perfectly warm.
Tony: That's because you're like a little kimodo dragon. An ice queen.
Ziva: Or because I remembered to wear my thermal underwear.
Tony: I'll give you $50 for it right now.

Doctor, I respect you more than anyone in the world, so please forgive me when I say - go to hell. I'm not leaving you.

Palmer

Parsa: It's been a long time, Eleanor. I've thought about you.
Bishop: You should have stopped by the office. Said hello.

Don't believe what you're told. Double check. (Season 1, Episode 1, Mike Franks)

Rule #3

Never screw over your partner. (Season 4, Episode 14, Gibbs)

Rule #1
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 645 in total
NCIS quotes are not to be missed. The crime solving is great and all, but the one-liners from the characters - and Tony's movie quotes, and Gibbs' one-word zingers - are often some of the most memorable parts of a given episode. Be it simple or profound, the show has a way of amping up the drama when it matters most and using levity to keep things grounded. NCIS quotes cover the full spectrum and then some.
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