Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

I'm more of a Super-Mario guy, myself.

Captain Wescott

McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.

The world wide web. It astonishes me how people post their privates....private information for all to see. Such individuals would never leave a note on the front door "the house is empty"...so why treat their computers differently?

Ducky

Always work as a team. (Season 5, Episode 5)

Rule #15

Gibbs: What's that?
Ducky: His liver, riddled with inoperable tumors. It doesn't appear to have been under treatment. I'd have given him six months.
Gibbs: Made killing himself easier.
Ducky: Pity does not validate cowardice.

McGee: Thanks for volunteering me.
Tony: C'mon. You said you always wanted to travel.
McGee: On my own time.
Tony: On your own dime? Are you crazy, you could never afford this!

Palmer: Don't worry. He's as high as a kite.
Troutman (groggy): Wait. I know you.
McGee: Jimmy.
Palmer: Or not.
Troutman: Are there violent chinchilla babies here too?
McGee: They were here.
Troutman: No!
McGee: But we got rid of them.
Troutman: God bless you.

Senior: You know the idea of Linda and I getting married, I felt it made Junior really proud.
McGee: Yeah it did.
Senior: Ever since he was born, I've been chasing this moment where I walk into a room and he announces me with his head held high. I just can't seem to earn it. I really miss Linda.
McGee: You know, maybe you could try promising her that you know, that you won't do it anymore.
Senior: Won't do what?
McGee: The questionable stuff.
Senior: Questionable stuff?
McGee: Well yeah, I mean you know -- the conning stuff.
Senior: Conning? Linda thinks that I'm conning somebody?
McGee: No. I don't know. Tony said that Linda might have left because of your conning.
Senior: She left because she met an architect with fancy glasses who bought her a ticket to Acapulco. Is that what Junior tells people? That I'm a con artist?
McGee: I'm sorry. I should get back to the office. Sorry.

Tony: (photographing a wrecked car) Huh, someone didn't know how to parallel park!
Ziva: I have always found it hard to park when someone is shooting with you.

McGee: Your family was the Navy.
Admiral McGee: Still is, boy.

NCIS Quotes

Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.