(Ziva is driving and turns aggressively)
Vance: Most fathers teach their daughters how to drive. I have you to blame for this?
Eli: This she learned from her mother.

Vance: You really screwed me here.
Eli: You think I wanted the assassins to follow me?
Vance: I think you told them where to find you.
Eli: He is a splinter in my toe, Leon. He has been for years. If I do not extract him now, it could become infected.
Vance: That's nasty, Eli.
Eli: Yet, illustrative.

Ziva: We killed you first, Tony.
Tony: Oh, I've seen it a million times. The pretty popular girl gets jealous when the hot new transfer comes in and steals all the spotlight. Well, it's pretty much a staple of every high school movie from the seventies and eighties : Heathers, Fast Times ...
Gibbs: Who got jealous in Fast Times? God, I like Phoebe Cates.

Tony: Am I sensing something between the two of you?
Malachi: Nothing serious.
Tony: You haven't slept together then?
Malachi: Oh, of course we are sleeping together. It's just nothing serious.
Tony: Oh, gotta get back to Israel.

Tony: You think you're James Bond, don't you? There is no 'op' your job is to get Ziva into the party so she can plant the bug. That's it! And then you stay out of her way, get it?
DiNozzo Sr.: Got it. What exactly is your relationship with her?
Tony: We're co-workers. There is no relationship. It's strictly business!
DiNozzo Sr.: Well, then, you won't mind if I make my move? If the opportunity presents itself?
Tony: Dad. Please. I beg you. Don't embarrass me.

Ziva: Hey guys! (about the trash container) Someone's going to have to go through this. This is disgusting.
Tony: Last time I checked, I was senior field agent.
McGee: It's too bad we don't have a probationary agent with us.
Tony: But we do!
McGee: We do!
Ziva: You're going to pull rank on me?

Fred: Uh, Special Agent Gibbs?
Gibbs: What, Fred?
Fred: I have a problem. Uh, Anthony DiNozzo, Sr. is not only staying in a $1,500-a-night suite, he's also running up a huge tab. Spa treatment, manicure, room service, French champagne, and I just got a call, he's ordered a limousine for tonight.
Gibbs: Guess you haven't got the bill for the flowers yet?

(to McGee) This is surreal. I feel like I'm in a James Bond movie directed by Fellini. On a stakeout, watching my father and Ziva go undercover, while you munch on a Nutter Butter.

Tony

Admiral Chase: Does Agent David carry a weapon?
Gibbs: She is a weapon.

Stillwell: (on a video email message) You ungrateful bitch. You're not goin' anywhere. And if you do leave me, I will make your life hell!
Tony: Wow! Mel Gibson much?

McGee: Who's the lucky little vixen, Tony?
Tony: Adult relationship stuff, McTween. You wouldn't understand.
Ziva: (sarcastically) Adult relationship? You?

McGee: I've already counted three security cameras inside. Should be able to get whoever was in here on playback.
Tony: If somebody was in here.
McGee: I sense skepticism, Tony.
Tony: Well, you sensed right, Dr. Phil.

NCIS Quotes

Abby: It's okay. Breena's fine. Breathe. Good. Now hurry up and get to the hospital because Breena is in labor.
McGee: Jimmy? Did you hear what she said? She just said Breena's having a baby. I think you broke him.

Qasim: Who did you lose, exactly?
Bishop: A co-worker, a few years ago.
Qasim: It stays with you doesn't it? It's a heavy burden to bear alone.
Bishop: Look, I focus on the analytic aspects of things. That's where I'm effective. It's how I can best help people.
Qasim: And who is it that helps you? It's what we don't say that weighs the most. I hope you find the answers you're looking for.