Magnus: Morning.
(Tony turns to face Magnus wondering who it might be)
Magnus: Gorgeous day.
Tony: It's 27 degrees out. Who are you?
Magnus: My name is Magnus. I'm meeting with Dr. Mallard.
Tony: (Turning to McGee) Is Ducky in the pond yet, McGee?
McGee: (To Magnus) I haven't seen him, you're welcome to wait here though if you'd like?
Magnus: If you don't mind, I'd... I'd like to wait in autopsy.
Tony: (Laughs) You sure? It smells funny.
Magnus: Well that's, er, that's a matter of opinion.
Tony: It's a matter of dead bodies. Stinky!

(Ziva, Tony and McGee are discussing Ziva's vacation with her elusive boyfriend)
McGee: So when do we get to meet him? And please tell us his name!
Tony: Oh no! Please, let me guess. Zeus? Er...Thor?
Ziva: His name is Ray.
Tony: Ray! What a nice little name! Ray, like Ray Crocker, Ray Charles, Sugar Ray...
Ziva: Erm...I promise you, Ray is a good man.
(Tony smiles at her jokingly before he realises she is being serious)

Ducky: Tony! Meet former medical examiner, and my esteemed predecessor, Dr Walter Magnus. Magnus is my guest.
Gibbs: Bringing guests to crime scenes now, are you, Duck?
Ducky: Yes, well, only ones that used to be me!

(Ziva walks into the squad room)
Tony: Ah, thought you were in Miami? You look... positively alpine.
Ziva: He came to me. We went skiing again, this time to Vermont.
Tony: (Laughs) Vermont! That's... so quaint! They have all those lovely little country inns and cozy fires and sticky maple syrup that gets everywhere.
Ziva: He enjoys nature, and I discovered that he's a fantastic cook. He made this delicious osso buco.
Tony: Aren't you lucky? So, he's a real renaissance man?
Ziva: He is an experienced man who knows how to appreciate life. There is a difference.

(Paul Simmons is sitting in the Navy recruitment office)
Recruiter: Well, Paul, why don't we discuss your options?
Paul: I really think the Navy can offer me the opportunities that I'm looking for. I'm ready to serve my country and I wanna be a part of something special.
(Paul smiles as he looks towards Gibbs who is stood in the background listening in)

Tony: What's goin' on here? We being replaced by younger models?
Ziva: I am a younger model.
Tony: If that was intended to hurt me you've succeeded.
Ziva: And we are not being replaced. They are from Waverly University.
Tony: Oh yeah. That's right. Director Vance's internship program. It's not a good idea. Feeds McGee's need to have groupies.

Abby: Also, you are not to touch my computer, my lab equipment, my MP3 player, my CafPow, my desk or Bert my farting hippo, without my express written consent.
Intern: Well, how am I gonna' do anything?
Abby: And there's no cameras or flash photography.
Intern: Well, I don't have a camera.
Abby: And if I accidentally turn my back to you, you are to immediately move back into my eyeline.
Intern: Why don't I just wear bells?
Abby: That's a really good idea. I mean I'm sorry about this.. I mean Darren worked out but, I just had problems with people that have been assigned to my lab. (Abby pulls out a collar with bells) It'll just be better this way.
Intern: I uh, I'm not putting those on.
Abby: Oh no, actually you are.
Intern: No I'm not.
Abby: Except for the fact that you are.

Doug: Stop talking to me like that.
Tony: Stop lying to me like that.

That is why it is called a batnap.

Ziva

Butt out McGee. Butt off my desk, Borin.

Gibbs

We've gone from Socrates to Snooki.

Ducky

Tony: Agent McGee, probationary agent to be good morning.
Ziva: Looks like Tony.
McGee: Doesn't sound like him.

NCIS Quotes

[voiceover] Anyone can achieve their fullest potential, who we are might be predetermined, but the path we follow is always of our own choosing. We should never allow our fears or the expectations of others to set the frontiers of our destiny. Your destiny can't be changed but, it can be challenged. Every man is born as many men and dies as a single one.

McGee

Abby: It's okay. Breena's fine. Breathe. Good. Now hurry up and get to the hospital because Breena is in labor.
McGee: Jimmy? Did you hear what she said? She just said Breena's having a baby. I think you broke him.