McGee: The last time you did my expense report for me, you reclassified my meals as 'livestock feed'!
Tony: Well, that was childish.
McGee: I was audited!
Tony: Well, that makes us even.

Abby: I've had problems with visitors, so he [McGee] was just being overprotective.
Neisler: Protective of what, your butt? He couldn't stop checking it out when your back was turned.
Abby: Really?
Neisler: But I can see why you'd want to keep things casual.
Abby: Why is that?
Neisler: What if he's 'the one'? You're obviously married to your work, it's too soon to meet 'the one'.
Abby: We're done. (To Gibbs) Gibbs, can you make him go away, please?

Tony: Maybe instead of having a midlife crisis, I'm having a midlife crazy.
Ziva: Look, you are not crazy. You are just... growing up. And some lessons are more painful as we grow older, because the stakes are higher. You need to find balance! Yes, yes, yes, you need to treat people more respectfully, especially when it comes to matters... of the heart. But you need to be who you are.
Tony: And who am I?
Ziva: You are Tony DiNozzo. The class clown. And that is why we love you.

Gibbs: Facebook. That's that thing that some people... do stuff with?
Ducky: The term is social networking.

Agent Sharp: It's like herding cats, huh, Agent McGee?
McGee: I don't like it at all, Agent Sharp. I've got a dozen other retired agents. I have Branch, I've got Morrow, I've got Nedrow. I have more directors than the front row of the Oscars.

McGee: Hey, where is Boss, anyway?
Malachi: He's in Interrogation.
Liat: With Director David.
Tony: Oh! This is like Clash of the Titans. We should be there.
Ziva: It's a closed show.

(McCallister unscrews the top of his cane)
McCallister: Damnit! I brought the wrong cane. Other cane's got the flask.
Gibbs: Hey, Riley. Where'd they dig you up? (gestures to the coffee) Keep you sharper.
McCallister: (scoffs) Please. The coffee here is weaker than a Frenchman's handshake.

Gibbs: Officer Hadar. You almost made me spill my coffee.
Hadar: Americans... You can never just say hello.
Gibbs: How about shalom? Hello and good-bye.
Hadar: And peace, Agent Gibbs.
Gibbs: Not a lot of that when you're around.

McGee: I've got alerts at the train stations, bus stations, local LEOs up and down the coast as well as any and all hardware shipments, commercial or military. I have hung a net.
Ziva: I do not know who Annette is, or why you are so proud of killing her.
McGee: No, what I mean is, if they make a move, we're gonna know about it.

McGee: I got to hand it to your father, Ziva. He has who knows how many guns trained on him right now, and he is completely oblivious.
Ziva: No, he's aware. He is always aware of what he does. Not caring about the consequences is what makes him who he is.

Eli: Alright let's go.
Ziva: That is all you are going to say to me?
Eli: What is the point? I know this face. You made the same one when I told my brother he could not buy you a pony.
Ziva: Oh...
Eli: Ziva if you want to talk we will talk. I am not going to beg.
Ziva: Why not? You know, confronted with the prospect of your own death, another man.
Eli: A lesser man.
(Ziva slams her fist in anger)
Ziva: A human man would want to!

Eli: I do not have the luxury for my feelings to dictate my actions.
Ziva: You do not have any feelings.
Eli: I have no feelings? There was a time Ziva, when I was quite different. When my house was filled with the sound of children laughing. You, and Ari, and Tali.
(Ziva's eyes now full of tears.)
Eli: There was a time Ziva, yes.

NCIS Quotes

[voiceover] Anyone can achieve their fullest potential, who we are might be predetermined, but the path we follow is always of our own choosing. We should never allow our fears or the expectations of others to set the frontiers of our destiny. Your destiny can't be changed but, it can be challenged. Every man is born as many men and dies as a single one.

McGee

Abby: It's okay. Breena's fine. Breathe. Good. Now hurry up and get to the hospital because Breena is in labor.
McGee: Jimmy? Did you hear what she said? She just said Breena's having a baby. I think you broke him.