Salim: So what are you doing here?
Tony: There's only one force on Earth that can short circuit a man's better instincts, put fire in his veins and make him dive head-long into danger without regard for his well being. Vengeance. I'm here to kill you.

Salim: DiNozzo. It's an Italian name.
Tony: An educated man.
Salim: I got my B.S. from Yale University.
Tony: [scoffs] I got my B.S. in the streets ... You guys got a lousy football team.

McGee: Gives a whole new meaning to fried hard-drive, huh?
(McGee chuckles, Abby stares at him)
Abby: How many times have you told that joke today?
McGee: None! (Abby gives him a look) Maybe once or twice.
Abby: Newsflash McGee, now is not the time for haha's, ok?
McGee: Sorry.

Gibbs: Yeah, Gibbs.
McGee: Hey boss, how's Tel Aviv?
Abby: Forget Tel Aviv, how's Tony? How's Ziva? Are they talking yet?
Gibbs: They're fine Abby.
Abby: I take that as a no. So how's Israel?

Ziva: Dead man is ICE.
Tony: That's cold.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the amazing Dr Donald 'Ducky' Mallard. The first and only M.E. under the big top.

Tony

Tony: Looks like someone dropped a cocktail weenie.
Ducky: I have a riddle for you; What is not food, but tastes very well. I'll give you a hint. And you should come up with an answer before Officer David, since it's right on the...
Tony: Tip of your tongue.

Ziva: He did not get out this way.
Yates: Not unless he could cross a lawn without bending a blade of grass.
Ziva: Well not impossible, with the proper training.

Gibbs: Rule number eleven, DiNozzo.
Tony: I would never date a coworker, Boss. Trust me. I mean, why would you even... That's twelve. Eleven... when the job is done, walk away.

Ziva: Are you jealous?
Tony: (he pauses) No. I'm worried. Because you don't seem to understand that your secret friend is interfering with this agency's ability to shut down a terrorist cell!
Ziva: Interfering? How is he interfering?
Tony: He's already killed two suspects.
Ziva: Well, in my country that would be cause for celebration.
Tony: You're not in your country and neither is he!

McGee: Tony, I am not arguing with you.
Tony: You are arguing now.
McGee: No I'm not!
Tony: Yes you are!
McGee: This is not an argument.
Tony: Yes it is.
McGee: No it's not!
Tony: It is

Tony: Long distance can be hard. Tell a friend from Tel-Aviv?
Ziva: You're jealous.
Tony: I'm not jealous.
Ziva: Yes you are.
Tony: No I'm not, and I'm not arguing, boss.
McGee: Are to!
Tony: Am not!

NCIS Quotes

If someone thinks they have the upper-hand, break it. (Season 8, Episode 24)

Rule #16

[voiceover] Anyone can achieve their fullest potential, who we are might be predetermined, but the path we follow is always of our own choosing. We should never allow our fears or the expectations of others to set the frontiers of our destiny. Your destiny can't be changed but, it can be challenged. Every man is born as many men and dies as a single one.

McGee