Tony: (about Gibbs) So he's down in Columbia, in Bogota, he saves President Clinton's life, but no one can talk about it because it's super-secret.
McGee: Clinton did not serve until '93.
Ziva: Stop obsessing!
Tony: I'm not obsessing. I'm a little preoccupied. I'm a tad fascinated by the whole subject, but I am not obsessing ... What was he doing in Columbia 17 years ago?

Ziva: He really likes her, Tony. You have to tell him.
Tony (laughs): I know. But it's actually kind of flattering... in a creepy way.
Ziva (angry): What did you think would happen?
Tony: I don't know... the flaw in the plan was the plan but I got another plan to end it.
Ziva: Which is?
Tony: You ever see "Fatal Attraction"?

Ziva: You have to tell him [McGee] the truth.
Tony: Not until I'm absolutely sure lying won't work.

I don't know how you did that and I don't care!

Abby (after Gibbs reveals that her Caf-Pow! is in the fridge)

Ducky: Reminiscence of a rather dark period in English history. Did you know that the preferred method of punishment for treason was to be hanged, drawn and quartered? They would hang victims by the neck and they were taken from the scaffold before they could have the freedom of death and disemboweled. Just like this chap. Except unlike him they would hack them into four quarters and drag them through the streets, their heads stuck on pikestaffs.
Ziva: Nice story, Ducky.
Ducky: Well, I did say it was dark. And thankfully ancient history.
Gibbs: Not so ancient, Duck.

Palmer: The reason there is no J street--- because it looked to much like an I at those times. So they omitted it because they didn't want to create confusion.
Ducky: Thank you, Palmer.

Abby: Ducky.
Ducky: Abby? Ooh, how kind of you to visit.
Abby: Oh, they gave you morphine.
Ducky: Just a drop.
Ducky: Oh, and you need to send for a substitute M.E.- aah, Jordan...?
Jimmy Palmer: Dr. Hampton?
Ducky: Yeah, on my desk you'll find her number while I myself lay here getting much number. (Ducky laughs) Nurse, more anesthetic. And don't spare the horses.

Abby: I never know what to get anyone, especially Gibbs! What do you get for the guy that has nothing and wants nothing?
Ducky: Some squeaky shoes.

Gibbs: Abs, it's Christmas Eve. Go home.
Abby: I can't. I have to go shopping.
Gibbs: Then do it.
Abby: I don't know what to get anybody. What do you think Tony needs?
Gibbs: An attitude adjustment.
Abby: Gibbs, you're not helping.

Ducky: Something wrong, Jethro?
Gibbs: Fingerprints found at a double homicide yesterday belong to a Petty Officer who's supposed to have been dead seventeen years. (hands Ducky a file) His death certificate.
Ducky: Oh dear. (chuckles) Someone's in trouble. (looks at the certificate) I signed it?!

Gibbs: (as he and Quinn look at the Vietnam Memorial Wall) No matter how many times I come here, it still gets to me. You look at a name, and you have to look at a reflection of yourself. You are among the fallen.
Quinn: Yeah. Difference is, you can leave. The names don't.

Tony: (photographing a wrecked car) Huh, someone didn't know how to parallel park!
Ziva: I have always found it hard to park when someone is shooting with you.

NCIS Quotes

Abby: Have the bad things been outweighing the good things all these years and I just ever noticed?
McGee: What do you mean?
Abby: All I ever wanted was to help people with the truth. And I've done that, but then bad still won sometimes. And I just want to file it away, like it never happened so I can go back to being happy.
McGee: There's nothing wrong with that.
Abby: Yes there is McGee because sometimes the Cutwrights and the Dunns, they just keep fighting no matter what the truth is. And sometimes Ricki never gets to see her grandpa again. If the bad outweighs the good then that means that I'm not enough.
McGee: Abby listen to me...
Abby: And if I'm not enough, McGee, then why even try?

Abby: It's okay. Breena's fine. Breathe. Good. Now hurry up and get to the hospital because Breena is in labor.
McGee: Jimmy? Did you hear what she said? She just said Breena's having a baby. I think you broke him.