Isn't Burt the most relaxing thing?

Abby

That TV came over on the Mayflower.

Abby

I've seen bad turn to good many times. You can't lose faith.

Gibbs

One gets over a watch. You never get over a loved one.

Ziva

That sex offender website makes it damn hard to meet chics!

John Stevens

I appreciate that, Tony, but don't try to compete with my Schmeil.

Ziva

Male friends only want to sleep with you. Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan, When Harry Met Sally.

Tony

No name, but Marge Simpson was a regular.

DiNozzo

Agent Gibbs, you are one bad-ass!

Captain Wescott

Hey, the Opera is one of the big three!

McGee

Gibbs: I'm on the other side now. I tried to catch Wescott, he wouldn't let me.
Ducky: No, you can't Gibbs, but you can call him.

I'm more of a Super-Mario guy, myself.

Captain Wescott

NCIS Quotes

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.