NCIS

Tuesdays 8:00 PM on CBS
Ncis
TV Fanatic Works Better with Prime Instant Video
40,000 other titles are available to watch now.

Vance: Put it away.
Tony: Oh. Excuse me, sir. I'll be right back in. I was just going to call---
Vance: I know what you're doing Agent DiNozzo and I said stop.
Tony: With all due respect sir, I think Gibbs would want the update.
Vance: You brief him, he'll be back at his desk before lunch.
Tony: That's his call.
Vance: No, it's my call. Gibbs needs time. It's my job to make sure he takes it.
Tony: Anyone else I would agree sir, but Leroy Jethro Gibbs?
Vance: Can you handle point on this or not?
Tony: Of course I can.
Vance: Good. Then inform your team, Agent DiNozzo. Gibbs stays where he is. No contact. Are we clear?
Tony: Clear as a bell, sir.

McGee: Abby, this email came through two minutes ago.
Tony: Two minutes is two years in Abby time. You know that.

Ducky: Kiddos? Plural? You and Breena are expecting twins?
Palmer: Oh I thought I told you, doctor. Once we found out we were pregnant we decided that it was a sign that we were meant to have two. So, you know, we're going to adopt a second eventually.
Ducky: Why not a third or a fourth? Two boys and two girls. I can see it now. You and Breena with a row of ducklings following behind.
Palmer: I can see it too.

Cal: I was there when it happened.
Gibbs: I know.
Cal: I tried to ....I wish there was something I could have done.
Gibbs: Cal. There wasn't.

Vance: I was respecting your situation, Gibbs. Let's not turn this into something else.
Gibbs: I don't need to be handled.
Vance: Your head is not here.
Gibbs: Don't tell me where my head is at. I am here, director. I am on this.
Vance: What did you say to me after Jackie died? What did you tell me to do? I was out for two months.
Gibbs: That was different.
Vance: It's been half a day, Gibbs. He was your father.
Gibbs: He was, and now he's dead. And I still have a job to do.
Vance: And I didn't?
Gibbs: I am not you.
Vance: As director of this agency, I'm placing you on administrative leave. As your friend I'm telling you to get the hell out of here before you say something I can't let go.
Gibbs: Leon. This job. It's all I have. Don't ever tell my team to hold out on me again.

Alejandro: You think I'm dirt? You think my father was dirt?
Gibbs: Damned right I do

Rivera: I have freed the devil's men. And they hate you as much as I do. Sooner or later, they will strike.
Gibbs: The only one who escaped was Lateef Mir. That's him. They let you watch TV in here? You should turn on the news tonight. You'll see his picture. Your picture. It'll be great.

Gibbs: Cal, do something for me?
Cal: Sure. Anything. You want me to lock the back up?
Gibbs: I want you to take the store. Cheers. It's what dad would have wanted.
Cal: But I... I'm not... I mean, I don't even know how...
Gibbs: Just do the work.
Cal: I will.

Vance: Any questions?
Tony: Just one. Why?
Admiral Kendall: I've been asking myself that for years. Amanda was valedictorian in high school. Straight A's in college. Georgetown. And then she suddenly flunked out. She spent the last two years wasting her life jet-setting across Europe with a group of international trust fund brats, partying in every capital in the continent.
Tony: Well maybe she just needed to find herself, sir.
Admiral Kendall: Well now it's gone too far.

McGee: What do you get if you kick a dog? Trip to Hawaii?
Tony: Death by Abby.

Tony: Oui, oui, monsieur. Je suis very special Agent DiNozzo.
Ducky: The French do see arrogance as a virtue. So you'll be welcome there. But remember: in France, only tip 6%.

Abby: Sometimes I love my job. And sometimes I have to crawl inside a giant septic tank.
Gibbs: Well it could be worse.
Abby: How?
Gibbs: Well I could have to climb in there with you.

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 714 in total

NCIS Quotes

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

Tony: You know the "Men" in "Men's Room" is more of a rule than a suggestion, probie.
Bishop: Look, you two always get to go off giggling to the urinal together and I always get left out. So we're going to talk and we're going to do it here.