Ziva: So this is where a redthroat would hang out after being overseas for months.
Tony: It's not redthroat, it's redneck.
Ziva: Oh.

Ziva: Bah hum-bog.
Tony: What?

Ziva: That's him. Over there.
Tony: With his brother Darryl and his other brother Darryl?

[answers phone] DiNozzo desk.


If we focused less on our differences and more on learning from each other, perhaps that would mean the end of wars.


McGee: Red handed?
Gibbs: They don't come much redder.

Paxton: She had to do it, right? She didn't have a choice?
Gibbs: No, she had a choice. That's what makes her a hero.

High-tech case - low-tech ass-kickin'!


Abby: I don't understand! I mean why does autopsy get back up power and I don't? MTAC I get that, but what does Ducky have that I don't?7
Gibbs: Corpses.
Abby: I'll get some corpses!

Gibbs: Book 'em, Dan-ozzo.
Tony: Nice Hawaii Five-O reference, boss.

You, Gibbs, are an enabler!


Gibbs: The plane's missing.
Tony: It's been Kai-jacked!
Ziva: Did you really just say that?
Tony: I regret it already.

NCIS Quotes

Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.