Norvell: She'll miss.
Gibbs: What's the probability of that?
Angela Kelp: Based on the temperature and humidity, no wind, half moon, good light, 97.6%.
Gibbs: Last chance, Norvell.
Norvell: Move or I'll do it.
Gibbs: [to Ziva] Take it.

What can I do for you, Gibblet? Sorry, kind of a seasonal play on your ... I'm ready, sir.

Abby

Tony: Baby, I'm amazed. A maze of maize.
Ziva: What?!
Tony: Maize. It's the Indian word for corn.
Ziva: The Indian word for corn is maki.
Tony: Not Indians from India! Indians from, you know, here!
Ziva: Well if they were Indians from here then we would be called American Indians, you dork.
Tony: They'd be called Native Americans, Miss Citizenship Test.

I finally IDed the tire tracks to the SwiftCast getaway car. I got the make and model. It only took me 72 times longer than it usually does. How did people survive before there was pattern recognizing sparse representation algorithms?

Abby

Gibbs: What've you got?
Abby: A better question is what have you not got Abbs, and the better answer would be a Caf-Pow! I'm trying to make my own here, but I'm missing like 400 ingredients.
Gibbs: Are you all right?

Ziva: Just ignore him. He's like an annoying bug. Eventually he'll just go away.
McGee: Ziva, it's been five years. Trust me, he's not going anywhere.

Ziva: Look, I'm sure we're not the only ones that need to be rescued. Plus, things could be a lot worse.
McGee: Yeah, how's that?
Ziva: We could be stuck here with Tony.

McGee: Lee Wuan Kai: North Korean assassin, one time fanatical nationalist, credited with 27 targeted hits in seven countries, dozens more by association -
Tony: She likes quiet walks on the beach, laughing with friends and playing Frisbee with her Cocker Spaniel Rufus.
Ziva: It does not say that.
Tony: Well it might as well.

Tony: Well, you're off on your own, Ziva. I'm already enlightened. I know exactly where I am. It may not be pretty, but I am DiNozzo. Hear me roar.
Ziva: Like an elephant.

Tony: [on phone] I can't hear you, McGee. I'm in the basement.
McGee: Why?
Tony: Because I don't want to talk about the case in front of Leila and the kid.
Abby: Listen, Tony, this is really important. I need you to check the seams of the walls.
Tony: The walls?
Abby: Well do they appear to be removable?
Tony: Huh.
McGee: Abby.
Abby: Or a tunnel, maybe?! It could be hidden under something on the floor. Something that looks like it doesn't belong.
Tony: Actually, I think Colonel Hogan has got a radio in the coffee pot, but the tunnel might have been filled in.

Tony: I called and you didn't pick up.
Franks: I'm not going to answer the phone! I'm a fugitive!
Tony: So what do you want me to do?!
Franks: Knock!
Tony: Why would I knock? There's no lock on that door!
Franks: Someone may be on the other side with a gun??
Tony: Why would someone be standing on the other side with a gun?!
Franks: Because there's no lock on the door!

Ziva: This is Gibbs' boat.
Abby: This is the crime scene! It was flown here on a C130 cargo plane along with two bodies and all the evidence, and now it is mine. It is all mine! So I can figure out the mystery!
McGee: What mystery? Who the dead guys were?
Ziva: Or who killed them.
Tony: Or how they ended up on the boat.
Abby: Sure, you guys should work on that! While I figure out how he got it out of the basement!

NCIS Quotes

Tony: One other question, I know you're an expert in English history. And I was just wondering, have you ever heard of Archibald Drummond, the 17th Earl of Trent?
Ducky: The Earl of Trent. No, I can't say I have. Why?
Tony: I was just wondering. Thanks.

[reading Valentine's Day card] Roses are red; they go in a bucket; Jake is a jerk; he can go suck it.

Bishop