New Girl

Tuesdays 9:00 PM on FOX
New girl

Damn it! I can't find my driving moccasins anywhere!

Schmidt

I want to kill you...because I respect you. I think I understanding hunting!

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach

An Indian-Jewish baby? Who wouldn't want that? Think about the bone structure!

Schmidt

I'm about to go pay this fine, and my checks have baby farm animals on them, bitch!

Jess

Schmidt: Would you line up around the corner if the iPhone was called "the slippery germ brick"?
Nick: Yeah, I probably would actually.

Jess: Where are your nipples, man?
Schmidt: I'll never tell!

I'm like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is a unique experience.

Schmidt

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

If any of you cross me, I'm gonna kick the testicles clean off your bodies! Clean off! You'll look like Ken dolls down there!

Jess

I am so sorry you had to hear about it like this. But can we take a minute to celebrate me? It's like I'm having Indian every night!

Schmidt

Jess, you can't laugh at a naked man. And especially Nick. Nick is delicate. Like a flower.Like a chubby, damaged flower who hates himself"

Schmidt
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 547 in total
New Girl quotes work incredibly well because they attempt to combine comedy and drama, ridiculousness and being totally sincere, as the six characters explore the difficulties of their late 20s and early 30s. Because they are all maturing (or struggling to) in regards to relationships and careers, this often leads to New Girl quotes that are heartfelt as well as hilarious and gives the show a unique appeal. Schmidt and Nick likely produce the funniest lines week in and week out, although all the characters have their moments.

New Girl Quotes

It's a sexy place Jess, look at the CPR poster.

Coach

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick
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