Tuesdays 9:00 PM on FOX

Damn it! I can't find my driving moccasins anywhere!


I want to kill you...because I respect you. I think I understanding hunting!


I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"


An Indian-Jewish baby? Who wouldn't want that? Think about the bone structure!


I'm about to go pay this fine, and my checks have baby farm animals on them, bitch!


I'm like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is a unique experience.


Schmidt: Would you line up around the corner if the iPhone was called "the slippery germ brick"?
Nick: Yeah, I probably would actually.

Jess: Where are your nipples, man?
Schmidt: I'll never tell!

So when I do the chicken dance I do it a little differently. Instead of doing claps, I like to do a peck. It's more realistic.

Displaying quotes 1 - 9 of 519 in total