Damn it! I can't find my driving moccasins anywhere!

Schmidt

I want to kill you...because I respect you. I think I understanding hunting!

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach

An Indian-Jewish baby? Who wouldn't want that? Think about the bone structure!

Schmidt

Winston said you make fun of my gremlin toenails. That you call them clickety-clacks or centaur boots.

Schmidt

I'm about to go pay this fine, and my checks have baby farm animals on them, bitch!

Jess

Jess: Where are your nipples, man?
Schmidt: I'll never tell!

Schmidt: Would you line up around the corner if the iPhone was called "the slippery germ brick"?
Nick: Yeah, I probably would actually.

I'm like a sexual snowflake. Each night with me is a unique experience.

Schmidt

A lot of people never graduated high school! Einstein! Bill Gates! Anne Frank! I'm gonna take back that last one.

Schmidt

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

Jess, you can't laugh at a naked man. And especially Nick. Nick is delicate. Like a flower.Like a chubby, damaged flower who hates himself"

Schmidt

New Girl Quotes

A lot of people never graduated high school! Einstein! Bill Gates! Anne Frank! I'm gonna take back that last one.

Schmidt

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick