On paper we're as ugly as Winston's belly button ring.

Schmidt

• Permalink: On paper we're as ugly as Winston's belly button ring.
• Rating: Unrated

That first-class ass is gonna be sitting in Coach tonight.

Coach

• Permalink: That first-class ass is gonna be sitting in Coach tonight.
• Rating: Unrated

Schmidt: Camping?
Winston: Like we're animals?!

• Permalink: Like we're animals?!
• Rating: Unrated

So I have good news from the doctor--you don't have rabies. You have giardia, and something called "Legionnaires disease."

Nick

• Permalink: So I have good news from the doctor--you don't have rabies. You have giardia, and something...
• Rating: Unrated

I thought you said you were afraid of camping and nature. You said you were afraid a fly was going to fly in your head and learn all your thoughts.

Jess

• Permalink: I thought you said you were afraid of camping and nature. You said you were afraid a fly was...
• Rating: Unrated

When I think of teachers, I think of two things--Jessica Day, and pornography...where one of the characters is...a teacher.

Schmidt

• Permalink: When I think of teachers, I think of two things--Jessica Day, and pornography...where one of...
• Rating: Unrated

Coach: Do people call you 'Marketing'?
Schmidt: No...not yet...

• Permalink: No...not yet...
• Rating: Unrated

Have I ever made any decisions in my whole life? Are we just living in the mind of a giant?

Winston

• Permalink: Have I ever made any decisions in my whole life? Are we just living in the mind of a giant?
• Rating: Unrated

I was the ninth guy off the bench for the eighth-best team in Latvia.

Winston

• Permalink: I was the ninth guy off the bench for the eighth-best team in Latvia.
• Rating: Unrated

Jess: So Nick doesn't have a traditional career.
Nick: Or is it the MOST traditional career? Or am I thinking of prostitution?

• Permalink: Or is it the MOST traditional career? Or am I thinking of prostitution?
• Rating: Unrated

Winston: So...where do you do the marketing?
Schmidt: Oh, Winston. So naive, so sweet. We do the marketing EVERYWHERE!

• Permalink: Oh, Winston. So naive, so sweet. We do the marketing EVERYWHERE!
• Rating: Unrated

Jess: Nothin' but net!
Coach: Traditionally, that refers to hitting nothing but the inside of the net.

• Permalink: Traditionally, that refers to hitting nothing but the inside of the net.
• Rating: Unrated