Don't ask about the duffle bag, bitch!

Edgar's mom

Caroline is way hotter than that voice in my head who sounds like Tom Waits and tells me I look bad in hats.

Nick

Schmidt [to Cece, in a bikini]: Hey, you look awesome.
Cece: It's a Before-and-After for a Bolivian diet pill.
Schmidt: Elgatrax? Yeah, I've taken that.

Schmidt: Who let the dirty slut out of the slut house?
Jess [in a British accent]: Probably the slut butler, right!

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach

"Hubba, hubba, mama in trubba."

Jess

I don't know the words!

Jess

Are you a do-er, or a dumpling-er?

Coach

Boob season's over, for you!

Jess

I take dumps standing up! I'm a man!

Coach

I am rugged, semtic prince!

Schmidt

New Girl Quotes

Don't ask about the duffle bag, bitch!

Edgar's mom

Schmidt [to Cece, in a bikini]: Hey, you look awesome.
Cece: It's a Before-and-After for a Bolivian diet pill.
Schmidt: Elgatrax? Yeah, I've taken that.