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New-girl

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

Nick: I'm gonna have to turn off the tap!
Jess: What tap?
Nick: The sex tap!
Jess: But I need my vitamin D!

She's on a flip-phone. That means she's either poor, or a time traveler!

Schmidt

I hate doors!

Nick

Schmidt: It's a bar mitzvah!
Nick: I am NOT watching a kid get circumcised.

You broke my heart. Mail me my mouthguard.

Elizabeth

Ooh, bonus shot of Dad getting a haircut while eating spaghetti!

Jess

Girl, I got an obligation...at a...sandwich...meeting.

Winston

Burquas isn't you guys, is it?

Jess

It smells like leather and Teddy Roosevelt and wistfulness.

Nick

Schmidt: Camping?
Winston: Like we're animals?!

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 519 in total

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach
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