I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt

I don't know the words!

Jess

Are you a do-er, or a dumpling-er?

Coach

Boob season's over, for you!

Jess

I take dumps standing up! I'm a man!

Coach

I am rugged, semtic prince!

Schmidt

Life's messy. It kicks you in the ass. That's right, I said ass.

Jess

Nick, I need you.

Jess

Let's concentrate on the smite later.

Schmidt

Burquas isn't you guys, is it?

Jess

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

Nick isn't even a man. He's some kind of man-boy, man-child hybrid. The other day, I had to tell him not to pull a dog's tail.

Jess