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New-girl

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I know I'm gullible because a lot of people tell me that and I have no reason not to believe them.

Jess

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach

She's on a flip-phone. That means she's either poor, or a time traveler!

Schmidt

The point of dating is just... to keep on dating and then never stop—like burning fossil fuels or seeing a therapist.

Schmidt

Nick: I believe horses are from outer space--
Jess: I believe that, too!

Do you just walk around all day thinking about other people's feelings? How do you get anything done?

Schmidt

"Hubba, hubba, mama in trubba."

Jess

If pot were a piano, Nick would be a 9-year-old Chinese girl.

Schmidt

A lot of people never graduated high school! Einstein! Bill Gates! Anne Frank! I'm gonna take back that last one.

Schmidt

I take dumps standing up! I'm a man!

Coach

I call it a "Temple Grandin," because it makes me friendly and compassionate.

Jess
Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 539 in total
New Girl quotes work incredibly well because they attempt to combine comedy and drama, ridiculousness and being totally sincere, as the six characters explore the difficulties of their late 20s and early 30s. Because they are all maturing (or struggling to) in regards to relationships and careers, this often leads to New Girl quotes that are heartfelt as well as hilarious and gives the show a unique appeal. Schmidt and Nick likely produce the funniest lines week in and week out, although all the characters have their moments.

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach
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