New Girl

Tuesdays 9:00 PM on FOX
New girl

It's a sexy place Jess, look at the CPR poster.

Coach

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach

If you feel things getting sexual say, "shut it down!"

Jess

I know I'm gullible because a lot of people tell me that and I have no reason not to believe them.

Jess

I'm a very good secretary

Nick

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt

I just wanted to listen to Taylor Swift alone!

Jess

She's on a flip-phone. That means she's either poor, or a time traveler!

Schmidt

Cece: You know that guy I'm dating?
Schmidt: Buster, your child bride?

Sponges make me feel exhilarated.

Nick

Jess: Why do we care about a crescent moon?
Winston: I don't know, but I'm gonna live there some day.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 547 in total
New Girl quotes work incredibly well because they attempt to combine comedy and drama, ridiculousness and being totally sincere, as the six characters explore the difficulties of their late 20s and early 30s. Because they are all maturing (or struggling to) in regards to relationships and careers, this often leads to New Girl quotes that are heartfelt as well as hilarious and gives the show a unique appeal. Schmidt and Nick likely produce the funniest lines week in and week out, although all the characters have their moments.

New Girl Quotes

It's a sexy place Jess, look at the CPR poster.

Coach

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick
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