I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach

A lot of people never graduated high school! Einstein! Bill Gates! Anne Frank! I'm gonna take back that last one.

Schmidt

I want magic, is that so bad?

Nick

Nick has a crush on a girl who is completely out of his league.

Winston

Sponges make me feel exhilarated.

Nick

This woman is engaged. Her number belongs to God now, thank you.

Schmidt

That's more like dork magic.

Nick

I simply want a demographic breakdown of all the guys who hit on you.

Schmidt

Nick, I need you.

Jess

Winston: Friends don't call friends pathetic.
Nick: But what do friends do when the other friend is taking a shower with a cat?

Nick: Get out, Schmidt.
Schmidt: I'm the only one who hasn't seen it!

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach