I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt

Nadia: Jew in the couch!
CeCe: Nadia, American manners!
Nadia: Sorry. Jew person in couch.
Schmidt: She's not wrong.

I'm worried about Schmidt, he's a Jew in the desert I don't want him to wander.

Winston

I don't know the words!

Jess

Are you a do-er, or a dumpling-er?

Coach

Boob season's over, for you!

Jess

I take dumps standing up! I'm a man!

Coach

I am rugged, semtic prince!

Schmidt

I saw Nick's pipi. And his bubbles

Jess

Cece, I'm sorry, but when I stand up, you're gonna see my penis, and when I walk out, you're gonna see my butt.

Nick

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach