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New-girl

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

She's on a flip-phone. That means she's either poor, or a time traveler!

Schmidt

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach

Schmidt: I'll take you through the whole thing. I'll be like your guide.
Jess: Like Gandolf through Middle Earth?
Schmidt: Probably not like... Okay, first of all, let's take the Lord of the Rings references and put them in a deep, dark cave, where no one's gonna find them. Ever.
Jess: Except Smeagle. He lives in a cave.

Waitress: You're all on a date?
Nick: Yeah, we're her boyfriends. We're reverse Mormons - one guy just isn't enough for her.

I'm doing sexy things with the pillow.

Jess

Jess: Well, I guess I can't hide my crazy.
Nick: I don't you're trying that hard.

Jess: Who's that girl? It's Jess.
Nick: Did you just make up a theme song for yourself?

Pink wine makes me slutty.

Jess
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