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New-girl

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach

I feel like Russell Crowe in every movie he's ever done.

Nick

She's on a flip-phone. That means she's either poor, or a time traveler!

Schmidt

I know this isn't gonna end well, but the middle part is gonna be awesome.

Nick

Schmidt: Who let the dirty slut out of the slut house?
Jess [in a British accent]: Probably the slut butler, right!

Without sex, she's not your girlfriend. She's a friend you buy meals for.

Schmidt

Have you seen a girl who looks like me, but with chaos in her eyes?

Jess

Schmidt: It's a bar mitzvah!
Nick: I am NOT watching a kid get circumcised.

I don't care if it sounds like a man covered in bells falling down a set of stairs... that are also covered in bells.

Jess

Yea! He has me...and our baby! And our other baby!

Jess

Schmidt: A tuxedo is different from a suit.
Nick: It is??!!

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 525 in total

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach
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