New Girl

Tuesdays 9:00 PM on FOX
New girl
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I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach

She's on a flip-phone. That means she's either poor, or a time traveler!

Schmidt

Please take that off, you look like a homeless pencil.

Schmidt

A lot of people never graduated high school! Einstein! Bill Gates! Anne Frank! I'm gonna take back that last one.

Schmidt

It's a sexy place Jess, look at the CPR poster.

Coach

I know I'm gullible because a lot of people tell me that and I have no reason not to believe them.

Jess

Cece: You know that guy I'm dating?
Schmidt: Buster, your child bride?

Sponges make me feel exhilarated.

Nick

Do you just walk around all day thinking about other people's feelings? How do you get anything done?

Schmidt

Jess: No! He's here early, how do I look?
Schmidt: It's better if you don't know.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 551 in total
New Girl quotes work incredibly well because they attempt to combine comedy and drama, ridiculousness and being totally sincere, as the six characters explore the difficulties of their late 20s and early 30s. Because they are all maturing (or struggling to) in regards to relationships and careers, this often leads to New Girl quotes that are heartfelt as well as hilarious and gives the show a unique appeal. Schmidt and Nick likely produce the funniest lines week in and week out, although all the characters have their moments.

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt