I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

Schmidt: Ahh! A spider!
Nick: Jess, why did you do that? You know how he gets, he turns into a cartoon elephant of yesteryear who just saw a mouse.

Cece: You know that guy I'm dating?
Schmidt: Buster, your child bride?

Sponges make me feel exhilarated.

Nick

Do you just walk around all day thinking about other people's feelings? How do you get anything done?

Schmidt

Winston: Where are your eyes?
Students: On the tiger.

I've never been an inspiration before...I don't like this much responsibility.

Nick

Prince is terrible at Frisbee.

Schmidt

I take dumps standing up! I'm a man!

Coach

Guess whose personalized condoms just arrived!

Schmidt

Panty Hawk! I'd watch that show!

Coach

We used to have a school goat named Melvin. He hung himself, tragically, on the swing set.

Principal
New Girl quotes work incredibly well because they attempt to combine comedy and drama, ridiculousness and being totally sincere, as the six characters explore the difficulties of their late 20s and early 30s. Because they are all maturing (or struggling to) in regards to relationships and careers, this often leads to New Girl quotes that are heartfelt as well as hilarious and gives the show a unique appeal. Schmidt and Nick likely produce the funniest lines week in and week out, although all the characters have their moments.

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

Schmidt: Ahh! A spider!
Nick: Jess, why did you do that? You know how he gets, he turns into a cartoon elephant of yesteryear who just saw a mouse.