I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I hate doors!

Nick

Nick: I know where you live!
Jess: And I live where you live!

I may be dirty, but I play old.

Ed

I'm gonna Biden his ass!

Jess

Nick, I need you.

Jess

Schmidt's world is different than ours. They speak a different language. They shorten every word to one syllable. Last month, he went to a party called "Bros Before Hos on the Moon". What does that even mean!?

Nick

Nick: Do you know any time-consuming, free activities in Griffith Park?
Schmidt: Gross! Suicide?

Did I leave my Oakland Raiders yarmulke over there?

Schmidt

Psych! I'm the best at stuff! I don't forget stuff! First place!

Coach

Jess: Nick kissed me?
Cece: WHAAAAAAAAAA?

She's older--MUCH older--DEEPLY Korean.

Schmidt

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I hate doors!

Nick