I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I don't know the words!

Jess

Are you a do-er, or a dumpling-er?

Coach

Boob season's over, for you!

Jess

I take dumps standing up! I'm a man!

Coach

I am rugged, semtic prince!

Schmidt

Can't spell sex without the 'ex.'

Coach

Don't ask about the duffle bag, bitch!

Edgar's mom

Jess: This is where Nick Miller grew up.
Nick: Except for the fall of '88 and the spring of '89--that was our "van year."

Did you see the JWOWW retweet of the Gaga twitpic?

Female interviewer

I look very handsome! I look like I'm on "Miami Vice"!

Nick

And it was you, not Keaton, who told me that women aren't attracted to men who wear maternity pants?

Schmidt

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I don't know the words!

Jess