Yea! He has me...and our baby! And our other baby!

Jess

Nick: Jess, you know I don't dance.
Jess: Oh but you didn't know I do this. I'm mime walking. I'm Mime-chael Jackson.

Sum up the last two years? The country's broke. Betty White came back.

Schmidt

Schmidt: Just suck in your gut
Nick: What gut?
Jess: The little pooch where you keep your extra cookies.

Nick: Get out, Schmidt.
Schmidt: I'm the only one who hasn't seen it!

Believe it or not, that's not the first time someone's broken my feeling stick. I have a travel size.

Jess

Jess: $550 for the TV?! Seems a little steep. I'm gonna write down a figure, and this is as high as I'll go.
Pawnshop dude: You drew a smiley face.

Did you see the JWOWW retweet of the Gaga twitpic?

Female interviewer

Jess, you can't laugh at a naked man. And especially Nick. Nick is delicate. Like a flower.Like a chubby, damaged flower who hates himself"

Schmidt

They found another black guy. "Labak Melno Virich". Means a better black guy.

Winston

Rochelle? Fancy name. 'Rochelle', like a mermaid.

Jess

Jess: Who's that girl? It's Jess.
Nick: Did you just make up a theme song for yourself?

New Girl Quotes

You question my pajamas? You make me question our entire friendship!

Jess

Do not challenge me to a sex stand-off. I can channel all of my sexual energy into knitting. How do you think I made it through high school?

Jess