Yea! He has me...and our baby! And our other baby!

Jess

Nick: Jess, you know I don't dance.
Jess: Oh but you didn't know I do this. I'm mime walking. I'm Mime-chael Jackson.

Sum up the last two years? The country's broke. Betty White came back.

Schmidt

Schmidt: Just suck in your gut
Nick: What gut?
Jess: The little pooch where you keep your extra cookies.

Nick: Get out, Schmidt.
Schmidt: I'm the only one who hasn't seen it!

Believe it or not, that's not the first time someone's broken my feeling stick. I have a travel size.

Jess

They found another black guy. "Labak Melno Virich". Means a better black guy.

Winston

I saw Nick's pipi. And his bubbles

Jess

Jess: $550 for the TV?! Seems a little steep. I'm gonna write down a figure, and this is as high as I'll go.
Pawnshop dude: You drew a smiley face.

Did you see the JWOWW retweet of the Gaga twitpic?

Female interviewer

Jess, you can't laugh at a naked man. And especially Nick. Nick is delicate. Like a flower.Like a chubby, damaged flower who hates himself"

Schmidt

Rochelle? Fancy name. 'Rochelle', like a mermaid.

Jess

New Girl Quotes

Schmidt: Are you in love with me? Because I'm in love with you, deeply. I assume that you would never because I messed this up so many times. You've made it very clear you only want to be friends with me and I value that friendship so much. So it I'm ruining it by doing any of this, please stop me.
Cece: Schmidt. I'm in love with you.

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick