Yea! He has me...and our baby! And our other baby!


Nick: Jess, you know I don't dance.
Jess: Oh but you didn't know I do this. I'm mime walking. I'm Mime-chael Jackson.

Sum up the last two years? The country's broke. Betty White came back.


Schmidt: Just suck in your gut
Nick: What gut?
Jess: The little pooch where you keep your extra cookies.

Nick: Get out, Schmidt.
Schmidt: I'm the only one who hasn't seen it!

Believe it or not, that's not the first time someone's broken my feeling stick. I have a travel size.


Rochelle? Fancy name. 'Rochelle', like a mermaid.


Jess: Who's that girl? It's Jess.
Nick: Did you just make up a theme song for yourself?

I saw Nick's pipi. And his bubbles


They found another black guy. "Labak Melno Virich". Means a better black guy.


Pink wine makes me slutty.


Cece: What's your stripper name?
Jess: Uh, Rebecca Johnson.
Cece: Your stripper name is Rebecca Johnson?
Jess: Boobies Johnson. Two Boobs Johnson.

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.


I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"