Schmidt: I'll take you through the whole thing. I'll be like your guide.
Jess: Like Gandolf through Middle Earth?
Schmidt: Probably not like... Okay, first of all, let's take the Lord of the Rings references and put them in a deep, dark cave, where no one's gonna find them. Ever.
Jess: Except Smeagle. He lives in a cave.

Pink wine makes me slutty.

Jess

Jess: Well, I guess I can't hide my crazy.
Nick: I don't you're trying that hard.

Waitress: You're all on a date?
Nick: Yeah, we're her boyfriends. We're reverse Mormons - one guy just isn't enough for her.

I'm doing sexy things with the pillow.

Jess

Jess: Who's that girl? It's Jess.
Nick: Did you just make up a theme song for yourself?

I was going for like a hot farmer's daughter kind of thing, like, oh, I'm gonna go milk my cows.

Jess

Schmidt: You consider me a sexy man, correct?
Jess: I don't know how to answer that question

New Girl Quotes

Beans are nothing but soggy nuts!

Schmidt

Get rid of it, Jess. Pine has no place in this loft. It's the wood of poor people and outhouses.

Schmidt