Tuesdays 9:00 PM on FOX

Nick: Because college is so expensive...
Angie: I'm a stripper.

Everybody hates the Jews! Your mom's in the majority! I'll convert to Indianism!


Winston: The phone?
Jess: I don't know...looks like a meth-head sandwich to me!

You my boo and I been missing you. I been missing you oh so long.


I'd put it in a bowl and eat your hair.


Winston: There are parts of my butt that only a tub can clean.
Jess: Ew, but okay!

Nick: I don't get it. Is this bath water?
Schmidt: Might as well be; it's rosé.

Displaying all 7 quotes