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Jess: Are you okay?
Nick: No, I'm not okay, Jess! I'm not okay! I woke up today, and I wanted to play a friendly game of touch football, then I hurt my back, and I went to your gynecologist, and now I might have cancer!

Nick: I don't have a vagina.
Patient: You can take mine.
Jess: I heard that, sister.
Patient: True that.

Are you sure you're okay? You're walking like a Disney witch. Let me drive you to your doctor.

Jess [to Nick]

Oh yeah, she tried to steal my overalls.

Dr.; Jess tackled a girl I was dating once. Jess

Are you using your friends medical crisis to feel my boobs with your face?


I'm the guy who just can't jump into something if I don't know what's gonna happen. I've just never been that guy. I'm the guy that if I don't know what's gonna happen, I don't do something. Ever. I don't care how badly I want to do it. Like, if everyone went down to the beach and jumped into the water, I'm the guy guarding the wallets.


The only way to get through it is to get through it.

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