Jess: $550 for the TV?! Seems a little steep. I'm gonna write down a figure, and this is as high as I'll go.
Pawnshop dude: You drew a smiley face.

• Permalink: $550 for the TV?! Seems a little steep. I'm gonna write down a f...
• Added: September 27, 2011

Rochelle? Fancy name. 'Rochelle', like a mermaid.

Jess

• Permalink: Rochelle? Fancy name. 'Rochelle', like a mermaid.
• Added: September 27, 2011

No! I can't call Spencer I haven't talked to him since he cheated on me with that ho! Actually, that's not fair. She might be a really nice ho.

Jess

• Permalink: No! I can't call Spencer I haven't talked to him since he cheate...
• Added: September 27, 2011

Jess, you know what, I'll let you check my lost and found...got sizes zero through ten.

Schmidt

• Permalink: Jess, you know what, I'll let you check my lost and found...got ...
• Added: September 27, 2011

Jess: So Coach said they used to play basketball in college, but then Winston went pro?
Schmidt: In Latvia, okay? He went pro in Latvia. It's a big difference. The team logo is a fig. Just one single fig!

• Permalink: So Coach said they used to play basketball in college, but then ...
• Added: September 27, 2011

Jess (about Winston, the new roommate): I'm so excited to meet him!
Nick: No Jess, he's sleeping. He flew in late last night, we took him straight to the bar, took a bunch of shots, got drunk, screamed I love America.Now he's happily passed out.

• Permalink: I'm so excited to meet him! No Jess, he's sleeping. He flew in...
• Added: September 27, 2011

I have to get to school cause it's astronomy day and I'm dressing up as Galileo, so I have to put on my beard.

Jess

• Permalink: I have to get to school cause it's astronomy day and I'm dressin...
• Added: September 27, 2011

Schmidt: You consider me a sexy man, correct?
Jess: I don't know how to answer that question

• Permalink: You consider me a sexy man, correct? I don't know how to answe...
• Added: September 27, 2011