New Girl

Tuesdays 9:00 PM on FOX
New girl
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It's not a perfect system Jess, but it's mine ok? And it's private.

Nick

Tzatziki is what it's called. It's Jewish charity.

Nick

My boyfriend doesn't believe in banks. It's early in the relationship. I'm still shaving above the knee. Know what I mean?

Jess

I'm a hero Nick, just tell me I'm a good man. I really need to hear it.

Schmidt

What is money anyway? It's just paper that some king on a mountain said was worth something. Gold I understand, it's shiny. You can make jewelry out of it.

Nick

So yeah, I was dating them both at the same time. I'm a mess, I can't sleep, I urinate constantly. I cried the other day listening to a techno song. My tweets have been extremely literal.

Schmidt

A bank is just a paper bag but with fancier walls.

Nick

Oh my God. It is a hand...full of dollar bills y'all!

Jess

Nick: It's Schmidt we're talking about here. After we saw the movie "Titanic," he started the Billy Zane Fan Club.
Jess: What?!
Nick: Look it up. They're called Zane-iacs.

Enjoy the break-up. If you need me, I'll be in my room, listening to some mainstream hip-hop.

Schmidt

Cease lovemaking! All lovemaking must cease!

Schmidt

Human dental dam!

Schmidt
Displaying quotes 145 - 156 of 553 in total

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach