Coach: His jeans are so small.
Nick: Looks like a puppet, like something an Italian whittled

Is that Notorious N.A.G.? Is that Naggie Gyllenhaal?

Coach

Oh, look at the time! It's butt-o-clock!

Coach

Nick doesn't have a life plan. He doesn't have a day plan. I once found a note that he wrote to himself that said, "Put on pants."

Jess

I call it a "Temple Grandin," because it makes me friendly and compassionate.

Jess

Nick isn't even a man. He's some kind of man-boy, man-child hybrid. The other day, I had to tell him not to pull a dog's tail.

Jess

Schmidt, you stole my toothpaste while I was using it. That's vindictive.

Jess

And it was you, not Keaton, who told me that women aren't attracted to men who wear maternity pants?

Schmidt

My mom? You're going to tell me that my mom helped me with my public erections? I drew pictures!

Schmidt

I just got a treat, too. It's not candy. I'm not a dumb little baby like you.

Schmidt

He lost five pounds, he gained confidence with women, and he saw the movie "Multiplicity" 25 times.

Nick

I stole that from Nelson Mandela. I added the part about the Penguin and the Riddler.

Nick

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

Nick isn't even a man. He's some kind of man-boy, man-child hybrid. The other day, I had to tell him not to pull a dog's tail.

Jess