I just got a treat, too. It's not candy. I'm not a dumb little baby like you.

Schmidt

He lost five pounds, he gained confidence with women, and he saw the movie "Multiplicity" 25 times.

Nick

I stole that from Nelson Mandela. I added the part about the Penguin and the Riddler.

Nick

Winston: Schmidt, you can't move out! Who's gonna do my fades?!
Jess: Yeah, who's gonna do his fades?!

I'm having a party tonight and I can't have him lying on the couch, wiping his tears with deli meat.

Jess

Schmidt: Have you ever dated two women at once?
Rabbi: What are you talking about? I went to camp. They used to call me the octopus.

Are we ever gonna get to the point where you stop working on me? Or instead of changing me, maybe once Jess, see it my way.

Nick

It's not a perfect system Jess, but it's mine ok? And it's private.

Nick

Tzatziki is what it's called. It's Jewish charity.

Nick

My boyfriend doesn't believe in banks. It's early in the relationship. I'm still shaving above the knee. Know what I mean?

Jess

I'm a hero Nick, just tell me I'm a good man. I really need to hear it.

Schmidt

What is money anyway? It's just paper that some king on a mountain said was worth something. Gold I understand, it's shiny. You can make jewelry out of it.

Nick

New Girl Quotes

You question my pajamas? You make me question our entire friendship!

Jess

Do not challenge me to a sex stand-off. I can channel all of my sexual energy into knitting. How do you think I made it through high school?

Jess