You got girl trouble, get a crystal!

Winston

Eat glass and die you tramp!

Mrs. Roz

If you died, I'd be lost!

Nick

Jess: So you want us to come out so that you can go back to hooking up with all the hot teachers?
Coach: Very much so.

I just want to be slapped around!

Winston

We'll be celebrating Bangsgiving!

Schmidt

I’m pretty sure they call her ‘The Fish’ because she’s tough, but fair, like a lot of fish I’ve met.

Winston

I’m not putting on the kimono. It legitimizes you owning it.

Nick

I once tried on my girl cousin’s wool tights and I didn’t hate how it felt.

Nick

I have no idea why you live with these people. What kind of person would urinate on an electrical socket?

The Fish

We're just covering our asses, while you're uncovering yours.

Jess

I'm a very good secretary

Nick

New Girl Quotes

Don't ask about the duffle bag, bitch!

Edgar's mom

Schmidt [to Cece, in a bikini]: Hey, you look awesome.
Cece: It's a Before-and-After for a Bolivian diet pill.
Schmidt: Elgatrax? Yeah, I've taken that.