New Girl

New Girl Quotes (Page 2)

Season 2 Episode 23: "Virgins"

Cece: I thought I threw that thing out the window.
Schmidt: That only made it stronger.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Schmidt: I'm going on a date with Elizabeth tonight. I haven't had sex with her since I was fat and accessing my penis was like getting a remote control out of the couch.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 2 Episode 22: "Bachelorette Party"

Jess: You question my pajamas? You make me question our entire friendship!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jess: If we're all really honest with ourselves, isn't it all about the gonads? Am I right, ladies?
Ladies: No!
 • Rating: Unrated

Jess: I am throwing Cece's surprise bachelorette party here tonight, and the only males invited are strippers, so oil up or get out, guys.
 • Rating: Unrated

Schmidt: I can do anything I put my mind to. I once figured out Alyssa Milano's phone number just by randomly choosing numbers.
 • Rating: Unrated

Shivrang's Aunt: Who is this?
Schmidt: I'm Gerard Depardieu. Who do you think I am, lady? I'm Schmidt.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Schmidt: Please take that off, you look like a homeless pencil.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 2 Episode 21: "First Date"

Nick: Schmidt, I have to ask you a favor. It's about my clothes.
Schmidt: Burn them! Burn them all!
 • Rating: Unrated

Jess: Why are you wearing a suit? Did you just apply for a loan or somethng?
 • Rating: Unrated

Winston: Or we could break into a zoo, steal a bear, then we shoot the bear full of Hep C, we release that bear in the restaurant right as they're about to order dessert.
 • Rating: Unrated

Winston: He doesn't steal pies from windowsills! He is a real-life homeless person!
 • Rating: Unrated

Schmidt: Here are some things you want to hide about yourself on tonight's date--you're cheap, you're a heavy drinker, you're broke, you have a problem with anger.
Winston: Your car is horrible.
 • Rating: Unrated

Schmidt: You can't outrun the Jewish!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 2 Episode 20: "Chicago"

Nick: I'm just trying to figure out the level of Elvis impersonator we can afford. I think a white one is out of reach.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jess: I didn't really know your dad, except for that one hour when I committed fraud with him.
Nick: That's all there is to know.
 • Rating: Unrated

Jess: This is where Nick Miller grew up.
Nick: Except for the fall of '88 and the spring of '89--that was our "van year."
 • Rating: Unrated

Winston: I'm gonna be strong for you, man. You know, I really did love Walt.
Nick: He was my dad, Winston.
Winston: Yeah, but he loved me more than he loved you. He told me that.
Nick: Yeah, he told me that too, actually.
 • Rating: Unrated

Nick's Mom: I miss him, Nicky. That bastard was a saint.
 • Rating: Unrated

Schmidt: My face touched the mustache of a corpse today, Bobby. I'm not afraid of you.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Are we missing your favorite "New Girl" quote? Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!