I'm a very good secretary

Nick

It's a sexy place Jess, look at the CPR poster.

Coach

Hey! If I cooked up a whole chicken, would you guys have some?

Nick

Winston, you go to the driving range just to watch?

Schmidt

Oh my god! Will you not stop till the whole world is arosed?

Schmidt

If you feel things getting sexual say, "shut it down!"

Jess

Sponges make me feel exhilarated.

Nick

Officer, can I read you your rights? You have the right to remain hugged. And you have the right to remain sweet.

Coach

Jess: Are you insane, Schmidt? I'm not ready. That's like taking a musical from rehearsal straight to Broadway. You gotta workshop it first!
Schmidt: If you are for one second suggesting that I don't know how to open a musical, how dare you!

The point of dating is just... to keep on dating and then never stop—like burning fossil fuels or seeing a therapist.

Schmidt

Do you just walk around all day thinking about other people's feelings? How do you get anything done?

Schmidt

Over the next 1,000 minutes, your notions of dating will be challenged. ... If you're saying things like 'Dreamy Eyes' to my face, then we have more work to do than the Kings of Leon. Good band, but it feels like they are stuck in one place musically.

Schmidt

New Girl Quotes

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick

I'm gonna bake a cake so moist, girls are gonna be like, 'Ewww, why did you say moist? I hate that word?' and I'm gonna be like, 'Taste the cake!' And they're gonna be like, 'Damn, it's moist!'"

Coach