You got girl trouble, get a crystal!

Winston

Eat glass and die you tramp!

Mrs. Roz

If you died, I'd be lost!

Nick

Jess: So you want us to come out so that you can go back to hooking up with all the hot teachers?
Coach: Very much so.

I just want to be slapped around!

Winston

We'll be celebrating Bangsgiving!

Schmidt

I’m pretty sure they call her ‘The Fish’ because she’s tough, but fair, like a lot of fish I’ve met.

Winston

I’m not putting on the kimono. It legitimizes you owning it.

Nick

I once tried on my girl cousin’s wool tights and I didn’t hate how it felt.

Nick

I have no idea why you live with these people. What kind of person would urinate on an electrical socket?

The Fish

We're just covering our asses, while you're uncovering yours.

Jess

I'm a very good secretary

Nick

New Girl Quotes

Schmidt: Are you in love with me? Because I'm in love with you, deeply. I assume that you would never because I messed this up so many times. You've made it very clear you only want to be friends with me and I value that friendship so much. So it I'm ruining it by doing any of this, please stop me.
Cece: Schmidt. I'm in love with you.

I'm not convinced I know how to read, I've just memorized a lot of words.

Nick